||tears. in. the. rain||

my rainy and sunny days:

Sunday, August 17, 2008
2:31 AM

its my burfdae today. really hope that today will be fine and enjoyable. but somehow, i dun really feel the excitement for the day though, what happened? is that really the sign of ageing? haix. thinking about how i have completed another year, i think for this year esp, i went through a lot of things. things that will never come about if it was just plain mugging in school.

been sick for the entire week last week. it was the worst experience ever. but now very sleepy, shall blog about it next time real soon. really hope that 2dae will be a nice and decent day for me.

happy burfdae to me...

[korean queen]

Wednesday, July 30, 2008
12:37 AM

just a few more days b4 school starts. its like really scary. all the new faces, new environment, going back to intensive mugging, mugging and still mugging. haix. this is school life.

coz never went to med camp, plus q a few of the activities as well... i am like so super lag and noob now. dun really like that feeling. at least now mingwei was very nice to rope me in into his og and the people there were all quite nice. just that... okaes, they were more of the english-speaking kind, and people who knows me will know that i am not that way. oops. different league. hopefully i am able to find someone in the same league or same frequency as me really really soon... this kinda of unfamiliarity and loneliness is killing me soon.

anw, yeap, hope that when school starts, everything will still be the same, i will be able to go out and spend more time with people i care for. haix. are we really progressing too fast? hopefully not. coz that means there will be no more surprises in the future, not that there is much now. somehow as a person who watches nothing but korean dramas, what attracts me most is the dreamy and romantic scenes in it, how love can be so simple yet mesmerising. yet, in reality, things can be quite different from fantasy dreams, practical and unromantic, haix, what more can i say. maybe i am just asking too much. maybe this kinda of fantasy never did exist in reality. forget it then.

anw... so its the last week alr, went with ruth and pei pei to seoul garden for a feast, just like how we always ate it in secondary school... thinking of that makes us realised how old we are now. how we are just sec school girls now going on to uni. really hope that i can find friends in uni, if not the 5 years will be really boring.

all the best pauline. the best thing to do now is to smile more. even if this may be the hardest thing to do of all.

[korean queen]

Monday, July 14, 2008
2:27 AM

i can never forget that time. a phone call that came before 10.30am on 1st July 2008... this phone call made my entire next two days the most horrible days of my life. serious.

i am not going to aussie anymore... i am going into nus medicine without anything, no scholarships, no nothing. usually when frens and relatives hear this, they will go like "wow, so good...", things like that... but few actually understood the hard time that i had to make this decision. it was really really hard. but luckily alex was by my side at that time. without him, i wouldn't really be able to straighten my thoughts and make my decision that i will live with and hold up to for the rest of my life. during the one and a half days... i really couldn't sleep... went to office, but couldn't work, could only hide in a corner and cried so hard. after all, i couldn't really bear to let go of the scholarship and the course that i had believed in and held on to it for so long. i told myself that i will cry all of this out and then after that, i will put them down and take up the medicine challenge. i know myself. once i have made the decision, i will go all the way for it and will try my utmost best for it. wholeheartedly, doing something that i have decided for myself on the 2nd July at about 10.30am oso... what a coincidence.

as i thot that things are starting to be more settled alr... i rmb that my formal acceptance form from NUS came on friday, 4th July... then as i was going through it at night at about 11 plus, my mum suddenly had a seizure. my god. our family never had anyone with this situation at all. just suddenly my mum gave a loud shout and then her body became so stiff... i was so worried that it will be a stroke. even though my legs was shaking, i still had to remain calm. i think at that point of time, i was the most sane person alr, my sisters are all quite scared and then my father was panicky... till now, i can still rmb how she looked like at that time, with foam coming out of her mouth and then her face was all so white. i can never imagine that... 11 plus i was still at home, switching on the comp planning to do tuition prep work, then the next moment... 12 plus, i was on the ambulance, on the way to NUH A & E... my mum was vomiting non-stop on the ambulance. luckily i was well-prepared, but actually couldn't blame my mum for vomiting so much, coz the ambulance ride was really bumpy and my carsick came up again. thank god my mum was better after reaching A & E and i remembered that i slept only at about 5 am that morning.

it will caught me by surprise. so my mum was hospitalised for the weekends plus the next monday and i had to go between nuh and home. haix. actually, even when my mum is at home now, she is still so weak, legs get wobbly and always losing focus and giddy. shall monitor her to c her condition again.

yet, after this incident, i realised that my decision before may just be correct. as the eldest of my family, my family needs me. what happens if this kinda of things *touch wood* happen again, who will be dere to control the whole situation if i am away in Australia for 4 long years? haix, and my mother who is still q weak on sat, told me to go ahead with my plans to have my sushi supper buffet on that night. so, yeap, had it with alex. and it was quite alrite i guess, sushi is normal but the other side dishes proved to be better.

yeap, so i guessed that was how my life went for the past week. though my tuition centre sessions has ended last week, but bcoz of the long and boring awards day on sat, i have to make up 2 tuition sessions this week. this week is another long week for me again. sianx. haha, but at least, my parents, my 2 sisters and my grandma just so happens to all come for my awards day. though its rly a big crowd, but i must say i am really thankful for their appearance, esp my grandma... <3

nw just fretting over med orientation or tuition on thurs. haix. shall think about it again then. sleep first. more important. :)

oya. almost forgot! i really wanna learn korean... but cannot find anyone else to pei me. xlb and sylvia r learning jap and lisha is learning french... haix. when can i fulfill my post-alevels dream? it has been a long long time after it alr, but i still haven learnt my korean... :( boohoo.

[korean queen]

Thursday, June 26, 2008
1:04 AM

haix. really carn believe that i will be leaving Singapore next year. although people keep on telling me that its only next year and its a long way to go, bt seriously, i am actually quite worried. if i say that i am not, then i must be lying. haix.

everyone is starting school alr, ruthie, peipei, xlb, da sao, ma and everyone else, so is yong xiang, the TC that i am working with is also leaving soon, next friday... then if alex managed to find a job soon (which i think it may be quite soon), than i will be all alone already. dun realli like the feeling of being alone and then as the new TCs come in, i have to mix and know more about them again. unfamilarity is a scary feeling. trust me.
the girls are all quite busy recently, so that means no gathering. :C was at first thinking we can eat at this new place which i thot was quite nice that sells asian cuisine, maybe next time then. for me, what else will i be busy with? dealing with the most hated word on earth...

TUITION.

haha, i will say its hated by many people. students hate it because they carn play, teachers like me hate it because it means preparing of worksheets and loss of free time. parents hate it because it means burning a big hole in their pocket. haix. then why invent in the first place rite? :x
have it on almost everyday except friday and sunday, nid to do prep work and then plus, i also need to hurry up and fasterly send in my aust uni acceptance forms by end of the month or latest july. finally decided on University of Queensland. my mum and the relatives around me have been bugging me to hurry up and settle the stuff. but dun dey realised that all of these need a little bit more time? pauline, you nid some time to just sit down and focus. but too bad, you dun really have them.

what did i do recently? went with alex to ubin to cycle till i nearly collapsed. went with kay siong, da sao and weixin to serangoon gardens for an ulu k-boxin session, had the longest tuition marathon on tuesday (17th) from 11 plus in the morn to 9 plus at night with only short 1-hr breaks in the middle, went with alex also to downtown east just to be cheapo and earn the kbox promotion, went for a primary school outing at plaza sing - manhatten fish market (the seafood platter is quite nice though :)), and also went out with ruthie and pei pei to suntec area after work for dinner...

hmm, what else? its just still work work and work everyday over at moe.

haha. making random ramblings while doing tuition prep. :B

[korean queen]

Wednesday, June 11, 2008
3:01 AM

with everything piling up again and tuition stuff beginning next week... my god.

i have this sudden urge to go missing in action for one day. really. i am not greedy, just one day, it is enough for me.

mia.

[korean queen]

Monday, June 9, 2008
1:36 AM

haix. was supposed to be studying and preparing a little for my stoopid english proficiency test for this sat... but ultimately, i guessed i kinda of deviated and went to read other people's blogs... after reading them, i realised how out of league i've been... really. all this while, i am always plagued by tuition sessions, all week round, if it is not tuition prep stuff, then it will be the sessions themselves. Haix, they are really tiring me out, really. On thurs, i even stayed up to 4 plus am in the morn for stoopid prep work even though i still have work the next day... my god, i cannot even rmb what went on during that day during work, everything seemed to be a blur to me...

somehow, i realised that i really have not be in touch with the 71 peeps for a long long time. when they could make it, i couldn't. and when i have sessions freed up alr, then the timings with the gang dun work out again... so ultimately, we dun get to meet up again. :( saw in their blogs, da sao met up with cheryl and ma, cheryl meeting up with becky and sylvia and little ruthie meeting up with pei pei to watch "accuracy of death" without me, but its just me, i know its my fault. haix. i really dunno when i can get out of this stoopid curse, i think the earliest might only be start of july and tt's really bad. somehow, now i am supposed to organise gathering, bleah, bt i guess i am always lousy for this coordination stuff... so i need to think hard, which weekday is possible? i really hope tt i am nt the onli one getting high for the gathering though...

so when everyone is talking about their uni choices and everything. not tt i hate it or what, but i realised tt i am once again out of league... really. coz i rejected the nus pharmacy course and will go over to aust to study occupational therapy... something that i would have never imagined tt will occur to pauline back in June 2007. all this while, i always thot tt i will definitely end up in nus, really, even if med dun wan me, i will still have other courses to fall back on. i never ever thot tt i will end up to be the one going overseas, then by tt time, i will b even further and distant away from the frens here. plus away from my family too...

seriously, i will be lying if i say i am not scared. honestly, i am. now in the midst of settling the aust uni offers and there are just too many loose knots to tie up here and there. haix, and tt's really tiring. somehow, when you tend to walk a path tt is less walked, u will tend to feel a little helpless, coz there is no one by your side to give u advice and help. tt's was the main reason why i hesitated for quite some time before rejecting nus.

anw, so when dere are times tt i am freed up and the timings with the others is not correct, i will mix around with my working colleagues at moe. over at moe, i have 2 other temp guys, yong xiang and alex to accompany me and 6 other mdms tt are very nice (after my clinic job, everybody is alright, trust me), so work there is quite alrite. but a little bit too boring, so we usually spend our time either grumbling or coming up with new, feasible ways to slack and avoiding the stare from the irritating moe officer. plus, talking about efficiency, wow, moe can really fight to be the "most" efficient government unit already, i am SO "impressed". the tasks tt we need to do due to mis-instruction is really quite uncountable. and plus the time after lunch time is always the most sleep-inducing, everyday is really a "challenge", the challenge to stay awake.

went out with alex to vivo city on sat for the first time in my life. haha, i am really such a mountain tortoise, only been there for the 1st time. its really big, but honestly, not many shops for me to really stop and have the urge to go in and look at the stuff in there. i guess branded and ex stuff was never in my budget and never taken into consideration. dinner was at carl's jr, my god, the burger size is amazingly big. even though i din have lunch coz of tuition, i can only eat half of the burger tt i was eating. really, its really filling. but i really hate it when my lips always peel when i am eating stuff tt are too dry... bleah, lousy lips, hate them. then after dinner, we went up to the viewing scene upstairs, its really pretty at night, all the lights, water, breeze and everything. and when u are in this kinda of soothing environment, with the sea breeze in your face, you will tend to really think a lot, think of the past and we started to talk about how our life was like in the past, experiences and everything. had a nice chat session. anw, i did get a momento from vivo city, i bought more tofus from action city! this time for my mum and my 2 sis. xlb, ma and da sao, there are now slightly newer versions of our tofu gang! but our gang will still be the best! :)

haix, so i guess tt kinda marks the end of my random rumbles. sometimes, when you are in this kinda of comtemplative mood, u will even lose in many rounds of online mahjong. plus i miss k-boxin with the class too. :/

forget it then. back to work again. :(

[korean queen]

Monday, May 26, 2008
10:45 PM

i promise i will update my stuff soon...
dere's so many things that I need to remind myself to do or to pay attention, so i must write them all here...

remember pauline! :)
P.S. I finally have my new phone!

[korean queen]