Tears In the Rain.

my burfdae!

2008-08-17T02:31:00.000-07:00

its my burfdae today. really hope that today will be fine and enjoyable. but somehow, i dun really feel the excitement for the day though, what happened? is that really the sign of ageing? haix. thinking about how i have completed another year, i think for this year esp, i went through a lot of things. things that will never come about if it was just plain mugging in school.

been sick for the entire week last week. it was the worst experience ever. but now very sleepy, shall blog about it next time real soon. really hope that 2dae will be a nice and decent day for me.

happy burfdae to me...

i am in love...

2008-07-30T00:37:00.000-07:00

just a few more days b4 school starts. its like really scary. all the new faces, new environment, going back to intensive mugging, mugging and still mugging. haix. this is school life.

coz never went to med camp, plus q a few of the activities as well... i am like so super lag and noob now. dun really like that feeling. at least now mingwei was very nice to rope me in into his og and the people there were all quite nice. just that... okaes, they were more of the english-speaking kind, and people who knows me will know that i am not that way. oops. different league. hopefully i am able to find someone in the same league or same frequency as me really really soon... this kinda of unfamiliarity and loneliness is killing me soon.

anw, yeap, hope that when school starts, everything will still be the same, i will be able to go out and spend more time with people i care for. haix. are we really progressing too fast? hopefully not. coz that means there will be no more surprises in the future, not that there is much now. somehow as a person who watches nothing but korean dramas, what attracts me most is the dreamy and romantic scenes in it, how love can be so simple yet mesmerising. yet, in reality, things can be quite different from fantasy dreams, practical and unromantic, haix, what more can i say. maybe i am just asking too much. maybe this kinda of fantasy never did exist in reality. forget it then.

anw... so its the last week alr, went with ruth and pei pei to seoul garden for a feast, just like how we always ate it in secondary school... thinking of that makes us realised how old we are now. how we are just sec school girls now going on to uni. really hope that i can find friends in uni, if not the 5 years will be really boring.

all the best pauline. the best thing to do now is to smile more. even if this may be the hardest thing to do of all.

taking a big step. a big change.

2008-07-14T02:27:00.000-07:00

i can never forget that time. a phone call that came before 10.30am on 1st July 2008... this phone call made my entire next two days the most horrible days of my life. serious.

i am not going to aussie anymore... i am going into nus medicine without anything, no scholarships, no nothing. usually when frens and relatives hear this, they will go like "wow, so good...", things like that... but few actually understood the hard time that i had to make this decision. it was really really hard. but luckily alex was by my side at that time. without him, i wouldn't really be able to straighten my thoughts and make my decision that i will live with and hold up to for the rest of my life. during the one and a half days... i really couldn't sleep... went to office, but couldn't work, could only hide in a corner and cried so hard. after all, i couldn't really bear to let go of the scholarship and the course that i had believed in and held on to it for so long. i told myself that i will cry all of this out and then after that, i will put them down and take up the medicine challenge. i know myself. once i have made the decision, i will go all the way for it and will try my utmost best for it. wholeheartedly, doing something that i have decided for myself on the 2nd July at about 10.30am oso... what a coincidence.

as i thot that things are starting to be more settled alr... i rmb that my formal acceptance form from NUS came on friday, 4th July... then as i was going through it at night at about 11 plus, my mum suddenly had a seizure. my god. our family never had anyone with this situation at all. just suddenly my mum gave a loud shout and then her body became so stiff... i was so worried that it will be a stroke. even though my legs was shaking, i still had to remain calm. i think at that point of time, i was the most sane person alr, my sisters are all quite scared and then my father was panicky... till now, i can still rmb how she looked like at that time, with foam coming out of her mouth and then her face was all so white. i can never imagine that... 11 plus i was still at home, switching on the comp planning to do tuition prep work, then the next moment... 12 plus, i was on the ambulance, on the way to NUH A & E... my mum was vomiting non-stop on the ambulance. luckily i was well-prepared, but actually couldn't blame my mum for vomiting so much, coz the ambulance ride was really bumpy and my carsick came up again. thank god my mum was better after reaching A & E and i remembered that i slept only at about 5 am that morning.

it will caught me by surprise. so my mum was hospitalised for the weekends plus the next monday and i had to go between nuh and home. haix. actually, even when my mum is at home now, she is still so weak, legs get wobbly and always losing focus and giddy. shall monitor her to c her condition again.

yet, after this incident, i realised that my decision before may just be correct. as the eldest of my family, my family needs me. what happens if this kinda of things *touch wood* happen again, who will be dere to control the whole situation if i am away in Australia for 4 long years? haix, and my mother who is still q weak on sat, told me to go ahead with my plans to have my sushi supper buffet on that night. so, yeap, had it with alex. and it was quite alrite i guess, sushi is normal but the other side dishes proved to be better.

yeap, so i guessed that was how my life went for the past week. though my tuition centre sessions has ended last week, but bcoz of the long and boring awards day on sat, i have to make up 2 tuition sessions this week. this week is another long week for me again. sianx. haha, but at least, my parents, my 2 sisters and my grandma just so happens to all come for my awards day. though its rly a big crowd, but i must say i am really thankful for their appearance, esp my grandma... <3

nw just fretting over med orientation or tuition on thurs. haix. shall think about it again then. sleep first. more important. :)

oya. almost forgot! i really wanna learn korean... but cannot find anyone else to pei me. xlb and sylvia r learning jap and lisha is learning french... haix. when can i fulfill my post-alevels dream? it has been a long long time after it alr, but i still haven learnt my korean... :( boohoo.

random updates.

2008-06-26T01:04:00.000-07:00

haix. really carn believe that i will be leaving Singapore next year. although people keep on telling me that its only next year and its a long way to go, bt seriously, i am actually quite worried. if i say that i am not, then i must be lying. haix.

everyone is starting school alr, ruthie, peipei, xlb, da sao, ma and everyone else, so is yong xiang, the TC that i am working with is also leaving soon, next friday... then if alex managed to find a job soon (which i think it may be quite soon), than i will be all alone already. dun realli like the feeling of being alone and then as the new TCs come in, i have to mix and know more about them again. unfamilarity is a scary feeling. trust me.
the girls are all quite busy recently, so that means no gathering. :C was at first thinking we can eat at this new place which i thot was quite nice that sells asian cuisine, maybe next time then. for me, what else will i be busy with? dealing with the most hated word on earth...

TUITION.

haha, i will say its hated by many people. students hate it because they carn play, teachers like me hate it because it means preparing of worksheets and loss of free time. parents hate it because it means burning a big hole in their pocket. haix. then why invent in the first place rite? :x
have it on almost everyday except friday and sunday, nid to do prep work and then plus, i also need to hurry up and fasterly send in my aust uni acceptance forms by end of the month or latest july. finally decided on University of Queensland. my mum and the relatives around me have been bugging me to hurry up and settle the stuff. but dun dey realised that all of these need a little bit more time? pauline, you nid some time to just sit down and focus. but too bad, you dun really have them.

what did i do recently? went with alex to ubin to cycle till i nearly collapsed. went with kay siong, da sao and weixin to serangoon gardens for an ulu k-boxin session, had the longest tuition marathon on tuesday (17th) from 11 plus in the morn to 9 plus at night with only short 1-hr breaks in the middle, went with alex also to downtown east just to be cheapo and earn the kbox promotion, went for a primary school outing at plaza sing - manhatten fish market (the seafood platter is quite nice though :)), and also went out with ruthie and pei pei to suntec area after work for dinner...

hmm, what else? its just still work work and work everyday over at moe.

haha. making random ramblings while doing tuition prep. :B

missing in action

2008-06-11T03:01:00.000-07:00

with everything piling up again and tuition stuff beginning next week... my god.

i have this sudden urge to go missing in action for one day. really. i am not greedy, just one day, it is enough for me.

mia.

just the sudden urge

2008-06-09T01:36:00.000-07:00

haix. was supposed to be studying and preparing a little for my stoopid english proficiency test for this sat... but ultimately, i guessed i kinda of deviated and went to read other people's blogs... after reading them, i realised how out of league i've been... really. all this while, i am always plagued by tuition sessions, all week round, if it is not tuition prep stuff, then it will be the sessions themselves. Haix, they are really tiring me out, really. On thurs, i even stayed up to 4 plus am in the morn for stoopid prep work even though i still have work the next day... my god, i cannot even rmb what went on during that day during work, everything seemed to be a blur to me...

somehow, i realised that i really have not be in touch with the 71 peeps for a long long time. when they could make it, i couldn't. and when i have sessions freed up alr, then the timings with the gang dun work out again... so ultimately, we dun get to meet up again. :( saw in their blogs, da sao met up with cheryl and ma, cheryl meeting up with becky and sylvia and little ruthie meeting up with pei pei to watch "accuracy of death" without me, but its just me, i know its my fault. haix. i really dunno when i can get out of this stoopid curse, i think the earliest might only be start of july and tt's really bad. somehow, now i am supposed to organise gathering, bleah, bt i guess i am always lousy for this coordination stuff... so i need to think hard, which weekday is possible? i really hope tt i am nt the onli one getting high for the gathering though...

so when everyone is talking about their uni choices and everything. not tt i hate it or what, but i realised tt i am once again out of league... really. coz i rejected the nus pharmacy course and will go over to aust to study occupational therapy... something that i would have never imagined tt will occur to pauline back in June 2007. all this while, i always thot tt i will definitely end up in nus, really, even if med dun wan me, i will still have other courses to fall back on. i never ever thot tt i will end up to be the one going overseas, then by tt time, i will b even further and distant away from the frens here. plus away from my family too...

seriously, i will be lying if i say i am not scared. honestly, i am. now in the midst of settling the aust uni offers and there are just too many loose knots to tie up here and there. haix, and tt's really tiring. somehow, when you tend to walk a path tt is less walked, u will tend to feel a little helpless, coz there is no one by your side to give u advice and help. tt's was the main reason why i hesitated for quite some time before rejecting nus.

anw, so when dere are times tt i am freed up and the timings with the others is not correct, i will mix around with my working colleagues at moe. over at moe, i have 2 other temp guys, yong xiang and alex to accompany me and 6 other mdms tt are very nice (after my clinic job, everybody is alright, trust me), so work there is quite alrite. but a little bit too boring, so we usually spend our time either grumbling or coming up with new, feasible ways to slack and avoiding the stare from the irritating moe officer. plus, talking about efficiency, wow, moe can really fight to be the "most" efficient government unit already, i am SO "impressed". the tasks tt we need to do due to mis-instruction is really quite uncountable. and plus the time after lunch time is always the most sleep-inducing, everyday is really a "challenge", the challenge to stay awake.

went out with alex to vivo city on sat for the first time in my life. haha, i am really such a mountain tortoise, only been there for the 1st time. its really big, but honestly, not many shops for me to really stop and have the urge to go in and look at the stuff in there. i guess branded and ex stuff was never in my budget and never taken into consideration. dinner was at carl's jr, my god, the burger size is amazingly big. even though i din have lunch coz of tuition, i can only eat half of the burger tt i was eating. really, its really filling. but i really hate it when my lips always peel when i am eating stuff tt are too dry... bleah, lousy lips, hate them. then after dinner, we went up to the viewing scene upstairs, its really pretty at night, all the lights, water, breeze and everything. and when u are in this kinda of soothing environment, with the sea breeze in your face, you will tend to really think a lot, think of the past and we started to talk about how our life was like in the past, experiences and everything. had a nice chat session. anw, i did get a momento from vivo city, i bought more tofus from action city! this time for my mum and my 2 sis. xlb, ma and da sao, there are now slightly newer versions of our tofu gang! but our gang will still be the best! :)

haix, so i guess tt kinda marks the end of my random rumbles. sometimes, when you are in this kinda of comtemplative mood, u will even lose in many rounds of online mahjong. plus i miss k-boxin with the class too. :/

forget it then. back to work again. :(

i promise

2008-05-26T22:45:00.000-07:00

i promise i will update my stuff soon...
dere's so many things that I need to remind myself to do or to pay attention, so i must write them all here...

remember pauline! :)
P.S. I finally have my new phone!

tough decisions to make.

2008-04-21T02:12:00.000-07:00

haix.
I dunno why. I am feeling very confused and sad at the same time.

I am shortlisted for med.
usually people will jump for joy when this kinda of news travel to their ears... but for me, it brought me the decision that I need to make and am trying my best to avoid. I accepted an overseas scholarship for Occupational Therapy (OT) from Singhealth, a course of study that I am determined to study. really, other people may not know about it, but after seeing both doctors (at NCC) and OT (at TTSH) at work, I enjoyed more of the OT one... maybe that's just me, but i like to talk to the patients and enjoy the interactions with them. really, this is a job that i can picture myself 5 years down the road, not really a doctor. haix. So when i had the shortlisted letter, I wanted to forgo the application initially. because it doesn't make sense to go through all the essay tests and interviews half-heartedly if I am not really cut-out to be a one. Furthermore, if i cannot really convince myself that I wanna be a doctor, how can i possibly convince the interview panel? haix. but that's where the conflict came in.

my father wants me to be a doctor. at first, he wanted me to give up both OT scholarship offers. crazy person. I thought he will be proud of me because of the scholarship. but apparently no. he is not, he is just concerned that if I do give up the scholarship in future for med, we only need to pay a thousand bucks. what the???? haix. he thinks that being an OT is not a professional, he thinks that it should b only regarded as an alternative route if i do not get into medicine. what must it be so? people asked me to try to convince my father... i tell you, my father's zodiac sign is the ox, which means that he is as stubborn as an ox. :( the worst thing is that when i confronted him yesterday, he din look at me at all... he is only capable of grumbling to my mother and sisters behind my back... statements that he said like "your sister no hope already so you must study hard" was what he told my 2nd sister. "i am so disappointed and my doctor dream broken and shattered" was what he told my mother. really. such statements really hurt me. it hurt me a lot. does it mean that being an OT is more inferior than a doctor? to me, my mum and my sisters, no. but to my father, yes.

To me, i really dun mind if my relatives hold such opinions that OT is JUST a therapist and being a doctor is a world of difference... i really dun mind. The most important thing to me is that my family understands and supports me. That's all i need. but that's something that my father said disappointed me. He said that my decision was "none of his business" during our confrontation. I was so so so pissed that i immediately rebutted that the money that i earn in future to support your old age will come from my job as an occupational therapist, how can you be so indifferent? :( after that confrontation, cold war started. I couldn't be bothered to even glance at him...

haix. my mum told me to at least try-out for med, but will leave the deciding position to me. Really, i did actually consider taking up the shortlisting procedure, but as I was drafting my personal statement just now, i realised that what i wrote was actually nothing but crap. haix. and what about the interviews? not that i am scared of it, but how can i convince them when I am actually quite half-hearted? i really dunno. really. i asked kaiqian will that be considered as "giving up", she says not really, it is merely pursuing something else that I truly liked. really, this is the first time that i feel that I have really found my true course of study, something that I have been searching for many many years. haix. even though not many people know what OTs do, it is the mysterious nature of the job that attracted me to it in the first place. really...

Unfortunately, such troubles cannot be cast away. that's why i dun even have the mood to go out with the girls these few days, sorry girls. I dun even have the mood for tuition, but no choice also.

haix. the deadline of the portfolio is on thurs, essay test on sun and interviews in May.
I really need more time. but no choice.
sometimes, i think that convincing my father is even harder than convincing the interview panel.

what a joke.

haix. I miss you.

2008-04-07T15:29:00.000-07:00

'I miss you.
my dear phone. haix.' :(

anw, I found a job already and will be working very very soon. let's pray hard that this job will be alright...

so pissed.

2008-04-04T09:32:00.000-07:00

my phone is gone. stolen.

my four leaves clover keychain gone. again.for the second time. I cannot believe it.

my korean little squirrel gone.

my 600+ photos inside gone.

I am so going to curse and kill the person who did that to me.

feels like banging head on wall now.

no, i will kill that person first before I do that. Beware.

I am tired out.

2008-04-01T15:02:00.000-07:00

decisions are usually the worst things to make. almost had a very hard time to cope with everything at the same time. My grandmother passed away. My grandaunt also passed away. so many things took place and so many things to settle, haix. I am tired out. Rushing between Chinatown and my home and at the same time, needing to make decisions due to the tight deadline, I am seriously tired.
My grandmother passed away on Thursday morning, after many weeks of hospitalisation... her heart and kidneys are failing and was even subjected to 3 to 4 times of the defibrillation... haix. life is sometimes so uncontrollable, before you knew it, u passed half of your life and before you knew it again, your life is over. My grandaunt passed away one day before my grandmother, she had overian cancer and it was in the terminal stage already... At first the doctor said that she had about 2 more months to go, but cancer cells came and took away her life so abruptly... what more can I say. Actually, when this kinda of things happen, the people close to their heart will be the most tired out, both physically and mentally.

At the same time, I had to also make the decisions between the courses I should take in future. Take up the 3 + 1 scholarship from National Healthcare Group? Take up the 4 years overseas scholarship from SingHealth? Or continue with my NUS medicine application? nearly wanted to go knock my head on the wall or something. haix, ultimately, I think I am choosing to go overseas to Australia for 4 years for Occupational Therapy. Have not submitted my letter of acceptance yet. My mother supports me a lot, my father finally softens up a little after many grumbles. Going overseas is definitely not in my plan initially at all... really, i never thought that i will leave Singapore for studies and I will definitely miss my parents and sisters. haix. what about medicine and occupational therapy? I had a hard time convincing my father... really. but everyone told me to ask myself what I ultimately wanted to study. What do I really want deep in my heart...? I will say it is Occupational Therapy... really. it is a profession that I can picture myself as 10 years later. I remembered that time, when I finished my OT attachment over at TTSH... I saw how the therapists did all the hand motions for all the semi-conscious patients. I did the actions on my grandmother who had a stroke on her left side of her body. After that, I heard from my auntie that she likes the exercise a lot and she feels very comfortable with it. Then when my auntie asks her if she wants me to come and help her more with the exercise, she says that 'no need, pauline have to teach tuition, very busy.'
Honestly, after listening to this from my auntie, i was so touched. really. Out of all 5 grandchildren, i know that my grandmother dotes on me the most as I am the eldest. She only remembers my name and whenever I go to her hospital bed side and call her, she will have some reactions and tries to open her eyes. haix. Looking at her coffin going into the flames over at Mandai, I cried. life is so fragile. Once gone, it becomes merely an urn of ashes.

haix. what else can we do other than moving forwards.

how? i really dunno.

2008-03-25T16:56:00.000-07:00

will it be occupational therapy or medicine?

save me.

After so long...

2008-03-25T16:25:00.000-07:00

realised that i haven written this thingy for ages already... oh my, if this is a diary of mine, it should have become musty and old and yellow already... anw... so here I am. back now.
realised that today was one of the only days that I could actually slack a little... let me backtrack a little, after my tiring and super ultra demanding job at the cardio clinic... i went for my Occupational therapy attachment and then the Pharmacy attachment and then the results came out. To me, I am really satisfied with my results alr, 7 distinctions and then B for GP, if you ask me why did i cry tt day, it will definitely be tears of joy, its really a miracle that I am able to have this kinda of results... just thinking about it, i realised that my lao ba haven buy any presents for it yet, okaes, shall pester him one day next time.
Then after the results came out, I was engrossed with the scholarships applications plus also my grandmother was in SGH critical care at that time, SGH almost became my second home. back and forth. the good thing was tt my grandmother became better and then she was discharged.
Then it was the genting trip, it was really fun... honestly, thankew, da sao! Although it is the first time that I stepped into Malaysia (noob rite?), but yeap, genting is really fun, because the class is able to get together and do something together for once. My favourite times will definitely be the super drop ride, or even the roller coaster (4got the name already! oops!) as well as our 'zi pai' time in the girls' room. That reminds me, I must kope kope some pictures from alicia and da sao soon! :)
then straight after my genting trip, I went home and realised that a lot of incidents happened on the same day, the sunday when i came back. My grandmother collapsed again and was admitted into SGH again and then my grandaunt who had cancer also admitted into SGH. haix, sometimes, you feel that life can be so vulnerable... :(
how? now I have another problem, very big problem. coz I am still rather indecisive over which course to take, occupational therapy or medicine. how? occupational therapy or medicine? i dunno oso... applied for 2 OT scholarships from Singhealth and NHG, then just got to know it today that one is offering me the overseas scholarship and then one is offering me the 3+1 scholarship... how? have to make a decision. do i take up the scholarship and forget about trying out for medicine... or do i not take up the scholarship and try for medicine...? why like that one? but trying out for medicine is really tough. how???? I need to make my decision really soon, even before my NUS application starts to take place.

so confused now.

HOW????? HOW????

I am alive!

2008-03-12T18:00:00.000-07:00

yeap! suddenly feel the urge to revive my blog which is sleeping for so long, nearly about half a year! wow, never realised. i do really have a lot of things to blog about now, at least a place to grumble. okaes, will do it later after i become an obasang and cook dinner first...

couldn't sleep

2007-08-12T11:31:00.000-07:00

its cooling 2nite. carn get to sleep.

dun feel lyke studying. :/ which is weird. haix.

i am seriously lagging so much in my tutorials and revision that i dunno where to start off again, coz there is simply too many things left uncleared. haix, how i wish this friday will not come, after that, it means that we only have another week to prelims plus i am older by 1 more year alr. :(

haix, i m sad because i din manage to buy the piggy that i set out to buy in the first place, went to minitoons then realised that they dun sell it anymore... :( haix, have been eyeing the medium size one so that i can take another picture with all 3 piggies! but too bad la... they dun sell it anymore!

anw... 不能说的秘密 is nice. to me, i think it is very touching and it left a v deep impression on me. haha, maybe its just me, coz it has the very romantic and korean drama feel. it is so touching that i cried, but not like the woman who was crying so uncontrollably towards the end of the movie. i like it because of the innocent and sweet relationship shown in the movie, together with the music (the piano scores are quite good :)), haix, i guess that is what a real relationship should be, innocent and romantic... yet tough to find. i gave up on that long ago.

feeling groggy already, maybe tt's a signal to sleep. dao mugging!!

ello!

2007-08-10T03:41:00.000-07:00

i tink i finally know what i want to be in future.

in the past, sorting out my thoughts was a chore. i didn't want to face up to it, i cringe and hide away every now and then when i hear people talking and discussing about their careers and aims in life. i dare not admit loudly that i do not have a goal in my life, or to put it even more explicitly, i was afraid to pursue a career that i deemed too hard for me. i was worried that i may end up seeking for something that was out of my reach and unattainable. even it is attainable in the 1st place, the person may not be me. that was what i felt.

medicine.

thanks to kaiqian, i think i managed to start untying this dead knot in my heart. as i continue to untie and think more about it, i am starting to sort out everything that is going on in my mind. My mum asked me, am i interested in medicine because this is what my parents and my relatives always wanted me to be? a doctor? at that moment, i didn't say anything, coz i do not have the answer to that question at all. i tried to picture myself as all other occupations, like a teacher (which i am terribly traumatised after the period of teaching tuition), i have considered being a pharmacist, a forensic scientist (like csi!) and even part of the army...! none of these suit me... after thinking through, i decided to give a try for something that i really want to be in my life. in future, i can still tell myself that i have tried and will not regret badly should i suddenly turn back after 20 years and think about the decisions that i had made before.

my dreams?
i wish to be gynecologist. really.

i believe that being a normal child and able to persue an education level that far is considered a blessing. Every baby born to this world is a miracle, to grow up healthily and happily is a gift from heaven. This is what i believed it and gynecologist can play an important role in starting this journey for every individual. Though i know that being a gynecologist will also mean the need to face the ugliness of pregnancies - abortions. perhaps i am able to make just a small difference by successfully persuading some of the parents and reduce the rate of abortions? though insignificant, maybe i am still able to play my part somehow? or spur on parents whom have a child that are different, just different from the rest?

tt can all be done only if i am a chao mugger!!! aaaaa... aim! must mug more gp (a lot a lot a lot of gp) now!

jiayou Pauline!
aja aja fighting!

just to complain.

2007-07-18T02:35:00.000-07:00

seriously. if i said that what i heard today has not affected me. i guess tt's a lie. to me, i am not really affected. just confused and hateful at first. i mean, i just dun noe how and what to do. to finally been told the thing that i always wanted to know is quite a good thing i guess. hmm, not that i can do much to change the mindset though. misunderstandings after another, i am tired untying the tangles one by one, so let it be then.

on my way home, a lot a lot of mean words and statements came to my mind. but no. shall not do that, cause it will sound like i am just spiteful in defence. okies then, shall spend more efforts trying to make this entry less spiteful and i realised the only way to do that is to cut the entry short! yays!

sometimes, i don't think i am a good friend though, i am always worried that the words i say may hurt the people around me. i tried so hard to make sure none of such things happens, but too bad la, it still did. from a close friend to a foe, i no longer think about it anymore. sometimes hating and begrudging is also a chore, which i decided to not care too, because it is just more tired for the two of them, not me. and besides if i am also one of the factor that brought their common interests together... why not? i get to keep some matchmakers' money too...

you must be super glad that i am a person whose words does not coincide with what i say, coz if i do, then i dunno what i will do one day, one day should my patience go out of control. haha. :)

oops. i guess i sound spiteful.

nvm. shall heck care. i guess my brain is not really functioning at this kinda of timings now.

here i am again

2007-07-10T01:12:00.000-07:00

haix. feels lyke i m living in a daze the entire day.

i threw everything away, out of my sight. okaes, maybe not everything, just that one thing that was previously in existence. since gifts are things that are not meant to be taken back, i presumed. so i just did a nice favour and threw it away. what else can i say. the only thing is hatred. yet hating someone is tough. so i do it the quiet way.

just dao.

couldn't think of anything to type after sitting in front of the comp for so long... nvm, i'll prob write more next time then.

bleah. guess i am just not making much sense. ignore me.

long time no see

2007-07-04T00:48:00.000-07:00

wow. just realised that my life seemed to stop on the 1st of June... although not recorded down, dere were still a lot of things that happened in my life, within this one month or so...

haix. but too bad la. i am just too lazy to jot everything down already... what exactly did i do all this time? my computer went crazy, and then i was lazy to use the computer coz it takes ages for it to load, and then after my computer was fixed, i was the one who went crazy with all the mugging and then it turned to my mother who went crazy because of the shopping that i did after blocks during GSS. the greatest achievement of all of the holidays was buying my prom dress. not bad, now that i have an aim to work towards to and make sure that i can fit into and will look nice in the prom dress... :) must jian fei! yeap, that's my aim i guess! i really really liked my prom dress... aaaaa... prays hard that someone does not get the same one as me, or i will be just heartbroken... :(

hmm... then what else? blocks came and went like anything. gp sucks, econs too, maths sucks, chem mcq was the ultimate, followed by bio that was like ???, i came out of it not feeling happy, but instead feeling insecure, my instinct told me that something will go wrong with bio, just wait and see... haix, its over, what can i do rite?

went for milk run and kbox during these few days. milk run was fun and exhausting, managed to not stop at all during the entire journey, to me, that is already an achievement. kbox was nice too, sang many new and random songs, but no choice la, couldn't hit all the high notes...

haix. i feel so blur la. so sorry cheryl dear, i actually left your muffin for me on the foodcourt table... how can i be so blur! *knocks head* so sorry... it made me feel so upset for the entire sunday night that i just lazed around and couldn't do anything at all... the thought of not able to eat it and all of cheryl's efforts wasted... haix. how can i be so careless!!!! purposely placed it in front of me so that i can rmb it, in the end.... :((

so sorry. i just feel super bad and guilty.

another sad thing happened too. my favourite purple blue pendant dropped to the floor and broke into two. haix, no choice, coz i m too clumsy already, it dropped out when i was going to wear the necklace... though it is now glued back with super glue, i tried to wear it once, but it is not as nice as before already. coz the glue ends could be seen and its not very pretty now... dun tink i will ever wear it again, coz i am worried that it may just break off in the middle of the road or streets and that will be even worse... haix, no choice.

why am i so clumsy plus chop chop blur?

P.S had a slight change of luck today with my 十三幺 created during mahjong sessions with the others today... but too bad la, no money is involved for this round... nvm, wat matters is that i actually created such a phenomenal combination of tiles, to me, that is truly enough.

how i wish i could be dere right now. sometimes to see things which i just so happen to see, and dun really wanna see is painful. i will choose to turn away then.

i am back.

2007-06-01T13:30:00.000-07:00

i am back.

dun feel lyke doing any work now. it's just natural i guess. i mean everyone is already mugging lyke crazy already and then for me, it felt as though as reality just hit me hard on my head. yes, i need to mug. shit. okae, i will, in the afternoon. not now.

ocip batam... at first i was quite reluctant to go... really, felt obligated because the entire exco is going... so i just tagged along, not even knowing what to do during the trip itself because the fund - raising committee has lyke completed their work from the beginning. at the same moment, i was pissed because have to lug my luggage to the ferry terminal all by myself. it felt as if no one cared about my trip. haix. okae, that's just me. it is also saddening to know how close friends can also forget that you are going for the trip and perhaps just a msg to wish bon voyage. no. nothing. the worst thing was that i received zero msgs from my family. sianz. perhaps they really forgot that i was at batam. maybe they think that i am in sentosa.

batam is a nice place. full of tourist and non - touristy places. i like the people there, they are nice and friendly to you. and then especially my primary 3 students. the P3 girls there are really very nice... i started playing with them on the first day... and from then on, they started to ask for me... eight to nine of them. my teammates call them the 'Pauline's fan club'. they are really very nice... they taught me lots of games. like the do mi ca clapping song, pepsi cola one two three in Malay, sitting around in a circle and chasing each other around and around. not to mention five stones with old golf balls and another super bao li game... london bridge plus tug - of war (which is super violent, d people are the strings to be pulled from one end to another). :)

haix. i miss those games and those times. so simple and nice. no worries about block tests, though simple, yet fufilling, forgetting about the troubles in the past and not thinking about the future... taking a step at a time, you enyoy the moment now. enjoy everyday at a step at a time. and maybe ending up as a happier person. haix. i miss that feeling. suddenly, that kind of feeling is gone, replaced by harsh reality, mugging people and unfeeling notes. where is my 'fan club' ? i miss them so much. my p3 girls are so cute, they were crying so hard yesterday that i din not know how to comfort them... looking at them cry, my heart melted and i started crying too... they were so nice, buying me one of their ice blackcurrent drink even though they do not have much money to start with, buying me one ice-cream when it only costs about 10 cents each. really. it's not the money that counts, it's the thoughts that count. even though they are so poor, with only about 2000 - 3000 rupiah a day, which is lyke 40 to 60 cents only, they are still willing to share it with me... giving me some of their toys that they treasure so much... rings, bangles, stickers, chains, hair extensions.... haix.

i really do miss them. i wonder what are they doing now.

perhaps the worst thing over there will be the language barrier... limited and broken Malay enabled me to teach my P3 class and also interact and communicate with my P3 girls. to me, the rowdy and noisy P3 class did not come as a surprise to me, coz i have met worst situations while teaching tuition. it's a universal thing, primary school kids are naturally lyke that. i was able to handle them to a certain extent... but still needed the other teammates to work together and teach the kids. throughout my entire trip, i just kept on using this few Malay words over and over again... "diam", "tuduk", "terima kasih", "apa ini?", "satu dua tigga", "lagi", "nanti","sidigit sidigit", "saya da dao"... the other words that the children say... i will just act as if i know and smile at them... that's how i do it. :) they love to sing songs too... so we sang 'twinkle twinkle little star' over and over again, lyke 10 times and even presented it to some education minister of Batam! that's how i lost my voice now... cannot talk already. nvm anw, i am used to it, and besides, i dun feel lyke talking now either.

through this trip, i discovered the best way to communicate with the kids. whenever they talk to me anything in Malay that i did not understand. the best way is to add a word "apa" in the front, followed by any word that i could pick up amongst the long line of Malay... they will then know that you do not understand, and will look very exasperated... but will still try means and ways to explain the word... until i understand. haix. i do miss them. like there was once, they told me "pantai"... "kepantai" then i was lyke 'apa kepantai?' then the next thing they said was... 'swimming pool!" oic, they were actually talking about the sea. :D

On our last day, we had a small handing over ceremony, then what shocked us was not only the principal came up to shake every single one's hand, he even made the entire school - 200 students to come up to us one by one to thank us... omg. it was like super magnificent. together with the sayonara song that they sang, it was a super touching scene. i will never forget that in my life.

my teammates were all very nice, other than the j2 excos... the J1s were all very nice also... altogether the 19 of us, plus 3 teachers and 1 rotarian. ms chua is nice. ms liew is funny and laughs at every joke, funny or not funny. mr liw is the best, super approachable, yet, to the extent that we are unsure if he is a student or a teacher. he dances the mass dance with us, dances apollo dac dance 2006 with us... and cracks funny jokes about birds or even disguised racist jokes. haha, shall post up the group photos up one day when it is compiled. :)

the trip was truly fufilling, it gave me more than what i expected. to me, it was better than my previous ocip trip at khao lak. i really never knew that i will miss my 'fan club' that much. they provided me with a kinda of life that i really needed. away from school, away from troubles that i once had, away from everything. just smile and play, and life will be that simple. perhaps they will not remember me a few days from now on, but at least i knew that i once had those memories.

and that's all i need. <3

tomorrow is the day

2007-05-27T02:46:00.000-07:00

i am going off today.

ya. today. to batam. totally unprepared, both mentally as well as physically. not that i dun wanna go... just felt that i was obligated to go... yeap, so i am going for 5 days. ocip is yet another learning journey. the last trip cost me a friend. this time? i dunno what will it bring.

troubles. or happiness? *shakes head* i dunno.

haix. nvm. be back in 5 days then. cya.

what am i doing now?

2007-05-24T00:39:00.000-07:00

numbing myself with work?

perhaps you are right. unknowingly, i just concentrated on making myself busy at all times. to me, once forced to be busy, then you wouldn't really think of stuff, see certain people and perhaps things will get better... sleeping at 3 am or 4 plus is what i am forcing myself to do. dun ask me why. it's just lyke tt. to me, sleeping too early is quite bad, then i will feel very guilty for sleeping early.. when i am awake, then i will tink of stuff, so perhaps the best way is to just do stuff... never-ending stuff to do, haix, just do it then.

if one day i really burn out, then... so be it.

perhaps that's the only solution to it.

back to normal...

2007-05-17T01:07:00.000-07:00

no, i did not abandon my blog.

finally, blogger is back to normal, and not longer some funny interface that i feel so uncomfortable with. blogger is back to normal, but am i back to normal already? i dun even know. sometimes suppressing it too much makes things even worse. but when it comes down to this kinda of things, i really cannot find a single reason not to suppress it. if telling stuff can make things worse than before...

ok, i shall keep my big mouth shut then.

what are friends truly like? friends are people whom you meet in school, outside of school. friends can turn into foes. friends can turn into strangers any moment. friends dun tell you anything. friends can brush past your shoulders or even avoid the same path that you may be walking. close friends.

why am i not surprised.

bleah. school totally sucks. wanna pon school for one day and really catch up with everything that i am lagging behind. especially after tkd on sunday, monday was totally my lousiest day of all... should have just pon everything. i guess everybody is all burned out. i am too. the class is slowly turning into a mini hospital ward already, with many people sick or looking half - dead.

haix. nvm. feeling lousy now.

i dunno what to do now.

2007-05-03T01:27:00.000-07:00

i just told a lie today.

it's a really tough decision. sometimes, it's really hard to tell a lie.

in order to protect the people around you, lies should be told. Yet, most of the time, the only way to be truthful to yourself is to tell a lie. why izzit ever so hard to tell the truth? why must the truth always be kept a secret? i really hope to tell the truth, yet, deep down, i know i lack the courage to do so. reality is always too harsh. what can i do? nothing much i suppose.

haix. this is life. there is no way the truth can be told. totally. under no circumstances. to me, i know too well the consequences if the truth is known. and i will not allow such things to happen. again.

bleah.

sometimes lying may be the best truth of all.

rattling off.

2007-04-30T02:43:00.000-07:00

realised that haven blogged in ages. i guess dere is nothing much happening in my life, interact, tkd comp training, mugging, haix, this shows how sad my life is. except for my new found personal goal in tkd. that will be my motivation for the next two weeks to come, and then let's see how everything turns out on the 13th May... maybe i will not even enter semi-finals, haix. then too bad lor.

till now, i still cannot believe how i could get pissed over a small matter like this. haix, it started from friday, then got carried over to saturday night. then i accidentally vented my anger at the wrong person. bleah. it was a bad saturday night... what was i feeling then? just felt that everything wasn't worth the effort and then got quite irritated by the fact that an alternative was only proposed after so much tt was done. nvm. that sorta set the tone, then after realising that somethings once said or done cannot exist as secrets anymore, tt kinda increased the intensity and then in the end, poof. an explosion happened on saturday night.

figuratively of course.

anw, everything is over now. what is the probability that such a night will happen again...? definitely less than 1 of course. nvm. i tink i am going crazy with probability alr. bleah. been almost messageless for the entire weekend, simply so sianz. my phone was quiet as can be for the weekend, and then i will be like peering over every 20 minutes or so to check. but too bad, none. actually, i dun like the idea of starting a sms just like the fact that i dun start a msn convo. to me, i believe that by starting a msg unnecessarily, it may disturb the person, so even though i am super bored, i guess i will still wait till the person comes to start. no choice, tt's me. cheryl dear and xinyi darlin noes me the best. i seldom start msn convos.

haix. it's sports day tmr, then plus tkd training, then plus tuition at night.

gonna be a long day then. : the only thing that i derive happiness from now is this toy that i bought just today. i dunno why, but playing and looking at it gives me a nice feeling. haha. guess i m reliving my childhood again or something.

omg, it's gonna rain now, cool and windy, best weather to sleep in.

haha, even rain is on my side. :)

spamming pictures

2007-04-26T01:07:00.000-07:00

tiredness takes control.

feels like spamming more pictures today! but today's one is not as gloomy anymore. i am not emo la, it's just tired, so just need a nice shoulder for me to rest on. coz i usually sleep for 3 hours, then i will use up the 3 hours from perhaps 8 to 11... then after tt, i will feel ultra super tired. so whenever i dun feel lyke talking, it's because i am tired, just nudge me and poke me out of the stoning then... :)

all these pictures are taken once again from the website i visited ytd, it feels so heavenly.

then there is autumn... i like. i like the feeling of maple leaves surrounding you, i like the feeling of strolling along a pathway that is filled with maple trees. it is the most romantic season! haha. decided to go buy autumn in my heart one day, so i am saving up money now... :) haha, this randomly reminds me of my favourite blue rose, though people tell me tt it isn't nice because of its artificial colours... but to me, it is the nicest of all. whenever i walk past the florist at bpp, i will always try to spot for blue roses at the display window. sometimes it is dere, sometime it isn't. blue roses are rly pretty, but they were never once mine... nvm. :D together with white chocolate, haha, it will be picture perfect!

of course cannot forget my own contributions! i drew this pirated tree of life at BHS, when the other kids were doing all their art stuff one day... :) it is q nice, i like the colours in it. but too bad la, i gave it to one of the BHS kids alr. i tink it is really very nice! *egos*

how many populations are there then?

haha. :)

i am here again.

2007-04-23T02:47:00.000-07:00

i dunno what to type.

told myself not to blog again at this kinda of timing coz i might just accidentally spill stuff out without the art of filtering. haix. too bad then. next time perhaps. for now, i was just browsing some wallpapers just now, then i came across this website http://www.wallcoo.net/nature/korea_snowsky/index2.html, then found this two pictures exceptionally beautiful.

i love the nature. i love the snow and autumn seasons especially. it makes you just stop for a moment to really think about everything in your life. coz it is like especially romantic yet desolate at the same time. though i never had a chance to experience such things before, i believe that one day, i will definitely get to see such beautiful scenery, best to be together with the one i love, and then it will be picture perfect.

oops. i am dreaming already even though i am not asleep yet.

maybe these pictures are the most apt illustrations of my emotions now.

feeling random

2007-04-21T01:43:00.000-07:00

this is getting super unproductive. sucks.

bleah. after tkd today, all i did was to eat and then slack around, and then trying to do a little bit of H3... but too bad, it is not getting anywhere now. with all those rotating and visualising, i tink i can go crazy soon alr. i dun even noe what on earth is going on at this moment, how to tackle the coming lecture test AGAIN? this is getting super frustrating now. not only academically though.

there is still this one thing that is bugging me at the back of my mind. i dunno if it is dere to stay or not, but i seriously do not welcome such frequent thoughts. it takes you away from reality, makes you think a lot about such relationships and then you will at some time, stop and think if the feelings were genuine or even tink about the existance of such feelings. i dunno. i really dunno. this is the first time i cannot say such things for sure.

bleah. this really sucks.

dere is still tkd training tmr. sianz. okie, i must admit that my attitudes towards tkd has been quite negative recently. i feel as though i am doing something that i do not really enjoy. i dun feel lyke giving my best for this cca, and yet, i noe if i dun, my partner will be disappointed. trainings are always stressful as many people ard you just keeps on looking at you do the pattern and point out every single mistake done. i am so not used to it. smoke through i never ever thought that i will be doing these patterns so seriously in my entire life. but to put it blatantly, i never wanted to be serious in tkd though.

finding people to mug tgt tmr though... dunno if da sao going queensway or not... then lyke tt nobody can pei me anymore, tt will be super pathetic. haiz.

what else can i do but to sigh?

haix.

happier day!

2007-04-19T01:04:00.000-07:00

i am a korean fanatic!

haha. everybody knows that. okae, feeling crappy 2nite, feeling so much better as compared to last night, maybe it's the eventual soothing effect of milk? i dunno, i have this sudden obsession with milk recently. it's nice, especially plain fresh milk. though, tkd today still sucks as much, i am so glad that there were people around me to divert my attention away, so that i will not just concentrate on slacking and stoning during tkd. ksiong, my unofficial shi fu, helped me with my pattern; cheryl darlin, came to crash tkd during mad break; mei, came along after tennis coz on the way back to class bench, then plus not to forget god and his maria at the class bench, always ready to fire 'niaoism' at me anytime.

anw, the senior was as usual super irritating, and pissed off ksiong even more 2dae... but anw, i tink i managed to smoke my way through to the competition though, doing pattern with this guy, which happens to be ksiong's sjab sqdmate, he is so serious while doing the pattern and everything that i actually felt quite sianz while doing it with him, coz he will ensure that everything is perfect, including all the blocks, the speed of punchs and all the forces. bleah. then, for these few weeks to come, i am supposed to go for tkd trainings aft H3 on fridays... haix. this means no more slacking time. sad.:(

oya... as i was saying. i am a korean fanatic!! so just randomly listing down the songs that i think are super ultra nice and the best thing is that these are all korean songs!! :D
Kiss- Because i am a girl
Seeya - Crazy Love Song!* (this song rawks!)
Seeya - Slipper
Seeya - Because I Love You
Seeya - The Scent of a Woman
Fly to the Sky - Like a Man

anw, just to clarify stuff, i dun DESPISE short people kies? i am such a nice person, wun despise people de. haha, this reminds me of my first criteria for a bf. haha, he must be taller than me, even by 0.5 or 1cm, i dun mind though. but how come i haven found my ideal him yet? are slightly taller guys that difficult to find? haha, just joking la. this kinda of things can never be determined that way, i must admit that love is something that no height can actually substitute. whoa, i tink i sound chim. haha.

there is always a new beginning for each day.

just face it. :)

seriously.

2007-04-18T02:53:00.000-07:00

my milk hypothesis is proven correct once again.

ytd, after drinking cold fresh milk at about 11 plus, i immediately got knocked out even though i am not tired at all before, even though i had a high glucose intake of frozen grapes. 2dae, i tried it again, this time, drinking it when i am sitting upright, drinking it at an earlier time of 9 plus and not using it to replace my dinner. This time i drank 1 and half cups, survived quite well for maybe 20 minutes, then started to feel quite drowsy alr, uh - oh, then by 11.30, i knocked out alr. the cold fresh milk really works man, next time, i shall never drink it again at night, shall not drink it before lectures too, or else, i can get ready a bed to sleep alr. maybe it's just to me, i guess. warm milk works on other people, i tink i am just weird.

ok, so since i knocked out alr, then why am i still sitting here and blogging about all this hypothesis proving process? the worst thing for the night is that i woke up just now to realise that it was only 12.30, means that i slept for 1 hour, equivalent to some afternoon nap kinda of thing, and now, guess what, i carn get back to bed again! biological clock totally screwed up, super awake now, rejecting sleep subconsciously. in this case, nvm, maybe i'll just ko during the presidential Q&A tmr then.

for me, today is a prime example of how weird i have became, seriously, i can feel it myself... there is seriously something different about me lately. i can be super super super hyper in the morn during pe lessons, u can see it for yourself. then, the next moment, i can just immediately shut up and lock myself in the world of mine. i stone and my eyes wander around during group conversations at times. or i can actively talk crap during such convos, which is quite rare. suddenly, i realised that i am actually not a very crowd person, which is wrong. in the past, i like to stay in crowds. but now, for example when the people went to the library, i refused to go (because i hate the lib), in the end self - ostro-ing myself. tt's bad. when i am in a crowd then, i seldom talk and will usually walk quietly either in the front or lagging at the end of the pack. tt's bad too. after lessons, i will feel very tired suddenly, and dun feel lyke talking to anyone around me, especially after H3 lessons. During h3 lessons, i dun seem to noe what exactly is going on, beside me, mitch is asking weixin intellectual questions and discussing with ma, then mei is also actively trying out the examples. only me, i am sitting there stoning and staring blankly. okae, i tink i am too stupid alr. :( i spam happie emoticons in my sms and emails, but am i really feeling that way, or izzit just an obligation to put smileys because that had been my style all the while? i dunno, i really dunno. i tink, for me, the sudden stoning off part is always super ultra scary. if i happen to stone off, plus dun feel lyke talking suddenly, that marks the end of my personality alr, coz that is super ultra not pauline.

i tink i am weird in this sense. truly. or maybe i am just whining, because i am feeling super lousy now, waking up at this kind of super strange time, after a nap from 11 plus to 12 plus just now, plus it is so humid now, its getting onto my nerves. ok, let's see how long i can last then... plus, there is tkd today (wed), how? i dun wan to go but i noe i have to. why kinda of life is this?

bleah. i am obviously rejecting sleep nw. :/

which is bad too.

just before i sleep...

2007-04-16T00:07:00.000-07:00

chem spa! :|

just finished reading all the chem spa stuff... hope that everything will be able to get into my brain though. :x just realised that there is nobody online now, coz everyone should be sleeping now to prepare for tmr... hmm, actually i should do that to, hopefully tmr will be alrite, then we can just get this over and done with quickly... *prays prays*, please make tmr be alrite?

haix, but actually i dun really really want this week to come. it gives the feeling that we really have to work doubly hard for all subjects and then no more free periods anymore! :( just wish that this week will be alrite, nothing major cropping up, no troubles, no anything. :)

i dunnoe if it is my gut feeling or what, but currently, i feel that i am a changed person... somehow, my attitudes and outlooks of life seemed to change quite a lot. recently, i start to get irritated or pissed quite easily, or at times will just keep quiet and dun feel lyke talking at all... but at times, i can be super hyper and talk a lot of crap. it is only recently that i realised that i actually did neglect a lot of people around me, living quietly in a world of my own... bleahx. i really dunno, did i really change? for the better or for the worse? or am i being too sensitive?

i hope so though.

wanted to blog about something else, by i tink my stm is getting from bad to worse now... forget it.
shall go sleep early and prepare for the long day tmr! starting from spa, then interact interviews, then tuition. :( bleah, my poor voice is going to suffer again.

nvm, i can do it! :B

today sucks

2007-04-13T22:36:00.000-07:00

today totally sucks! i dunno what i am doing and how come i reacted that way... but all in all, this is stil lyke super ultra cannot-take-it... bleah, in the end, spoil my mood for eating ice cream. sorri people, pangseh u all. :/

all in all tkd sucks! make me seem like i m so despo and practical. turning up for practices only when there is a competition... as quoted by the senior, u can only join the comp if u go for both wed and fri trainings... okaes, i m trying my best to come for all the possible trainings... it's not tt i pon them lor. what the, if i m not in Interact exco, if i not in H3 or if i m not teaching tuition at my aunt's place, i will definitely turn up for every trainings... she makes it as if i pon all the trainings, then now turning up because there is a competition around the corner, please lor, i dun give a damn about the entire thing. what the. plus, there is this amazing trick of displacement method. please try to aim for higher belt levels and then in the end, realised that it is not possible, then return back to the original belt level, displacing the entire group in the lower belt level... then u are asking me to go form a brown team? really i can man, i m only confident with the green belt patterns... what makes u tink u can push me around?

"so i will try to squeeze u all into 3 individual slots and a pair slot", o really, i need you to squeeze me in, lyke i m really lyke so despo to get into the competition, lyke i really wanted to be in it in the first place... what makes u tink that i really want to be in categories that other people dun wan to be in, please dun throw people's unwanted stuff to me, i am NOT a rubbish bin!
to me, i dun mind being in the green belt team... since i m told about it alr, i will have the correct mindset for the competition... but rite now, being displaced and then pushed out, purely due to attendance reasons is totally crap and full of shit.

nvm. tkd sucks. destroy my mood for ice-cream and for the weekend. means no ice - cream. :( worst still, i cannot even vent everything out at the class bench... sianz. i dunno why i have such a strong reaction... feels lyke knocking someone's head... violent tendencies acting up again.

i dun tink i make a lot of sense though... haix, anw this is just an avenue to vent it out, not to make sense i guess.

this is so frustrating!

sucks big time.

a short note

2007-04-12T02:38:00.000-07:00

it's like 2.30 alr... haix. today's tkd totally sucks. i hate my stoopid running nose. the only thing that i just keep on doing for the whole day is stoning stoning stoning and still stoning! :x

hmm... izzit better to have mind over power or power over mind?

nvm. i m not making any sense at all. the signal to sleep, i guess. tt reminds me, the next thing to pia is cell signalling! :(

feeling a little vexed.

2007-04-10T23:28:00.000-07:00

my favourite song - "crazy love song" set on repeat mode. :) i like.

finally made up my mind today to blog today. i wanted to do that many days ago alr, but i always doze off while typing the first few sentences of the post... then in the end, i dun even noe what i am typing. just give up. anw, feel like blogging today, partly because i am too bored with nobody to talk to, *oops, correction, even if people want to talk to me, i may not have the voice to do tt though...* haha. yeap, so far, voice is still 'sexy' as quoted from some of the class guys, haha, but that means no singing, and besides i tink i just sound funny when i talk... there is no way i can ever recover my voice though, coz after i m better for the weekend alr, then monday comes again, there is tuition again. :( when dealing with the incorrigible P3 and P5, my voice will be strained to the maximum and yet nobody still listens, haix, forget it then. i still get to earn my money anyway, that is the best reward of all! :) for that, i will hold on, even though how hard it may be... :x i m that money faced, no wonder i am the treasurer then.

anw, da sao's sleepover was fun! sorri, too lag in blogging alr. Every now and then, there will definitely be guys thrown into the swimming pool... wilson, gary, lih hern. haha, even the guard also want to witness it, tt's why he only warned us after gary was thrown into the pool. Then, there were also these few old men who are counting together with us when lih hern is thrown in... haha... wilson was thrown in the most number of times... 2!! yeap, sleepover was fun, ice-cream there was nice, BBQ was nice..., guys to girls ratio also very amazing. at one time, it was like 2 girls vs 11 guys... haha, if i were da sao's mum, i will be super shocked man! Anything that is not nice? hmm... minus away the thursday sleepover night that i had fever, minus away the first row that we were sitting at for the movie - "The reaping"... haha, then everything is fine!! :) thankew da sao for allowing us to wreck ur house upside down! hopefulli u can move house again! then we can have another housewarming! :P

got back H3 paper 2dae... haha, when i saw my marks, i was actually laughing i tink, didn't rly feel quite sad though... at least i got lesser than mei! so tt means, u owe me a treat mei! haha, cannot escape, i got a lot of witnesses de, like ksiong! :) anw, got a 27/75 for my paper! my first U for blocks! okae, very fun, dun worri... econs will be next, when my essay and my DRQ will add up to produce a holy mark! i am going crazy now!
but too bad la, i was just told that we will not get back our econs essay scripts tmr... boo~~, coz she saes that it not "save" for the scripts to left lying around, so i guess that meant, giving me is not secured enough or something... ok, i m despised.

feeling contemplative suddenly.

i dunno... there is always this thing at the back of my mind. it doesn't seem to fade away, or simply just locked up in the dark corners of the brain. for the times that i m thinking of it, i just keep asking myself this one question. i dun wish to make the wrong decision again, coz when the last time when i did so, i failed terribly. what answers am i exactly hoping for? haix. i dun even noe. for the first time in my life, i dunno how i should feel, everything becomes relative and nothing is absolute, including the feelings within me. haix. :x

cannot really find the mood to do complex assignment though... sometimes, the mind can be as complex as the numbers. i figured.

going bonkers...

2007-04-01T03:06:00.000-07:00

this is like super gek!

"describe the mechanism of synaptic transmission"

"describe the series of events that occurs when a nerve impulse arrives at a neuromuscular junction"

"explain how a nerve impulse is transmitted across a synapse"

i m totally in shock when i saw these essay questions of the tutorial... aren't dey talking about the exact same things??? this is super frustrating, what kinda of spastic essay questions are these?? it doesn't feel good to not finish the tutorial... so now... i am copying the same paragraphs from the same pages over and over again, with my eyes lyke almost closed... super irritating.

haix. nobody is online again... okae... this is kinda expected, judging from these kinda unearthly timings now. i guess it's back to the stoopid tutorial again, i m lyke only halfway through... sianz. what shall i do for today then? hmm... hmm... hmm... i dunno. another sianz day perhaps. :x

sianz. :( why carn my nerve impulses try to make my life a little better or something, by transmitting something happy around the body perhaps? maybe dere is a neurotransmitter responsible for happiness, then hopefulli there is a synapse transmission for it... then haha, maybe an action potential will make me do things that i will be happy with...?? hmm... i tink i m going crazy soon alr... haha. :)

oya, haha. just realised that it's April fools' day 2dae! so exciting! hmm... on the other hand, staying at home stoning during April's fools may not be exciting after all... nvm then. :D

anw... crazy love song rawks! :) oh my! i m in my korea mood once again!

what a random day

2007-03-30T02:09:00.000-07:00

yays. finally blocks is lyke over officially with the crappy bio skill A today! anw, since mei tell me to blog... okay. shall blog. life is lyke back to normal now... my voice is okae, not croaky anymore... so wilson cannot niao me... can argue back alr! 2dae went to bhs... and felt quite relieved actually... able to stay out and then dun worry about too many things... okae la... dere is always still complex two and the other countless tutorials to consider... just heck la... ^-^

anw... what can i do for this weekend? i noe i wanna go kbox now... coz my voice recovered, maybe go with my family then, then can also celebrate my sister's burfdae... but it's so xxxx!! dun rly bear to part with the $$ though... hmm... then r we also watching the complementary ticket movie thingy this weekend...? i dunno... following the pirated hang - up of music and lyrics the previous time, i decided with 100% determination that i shall not rewatch the movie again... TMNT is out as well, unless suddenly i m out of my mind or super emo... 23 doesn't seem to be a nice movie though, coz the ratings are quite lousy in the newspaper... hmm... so after a long analysis... i noe what to watch alr! i wanna watch the jap movie recently!! cannot rmb the name though, but it sounds super romantic and sad... exactly the kinda of show tt i like! haha. now to jio people along to this show...

what else can i do for the weekend?? must go kinokuniya soon... coz i have some vouchers that are lyke expiring in 2 weeks time... okae... i dun rly buy books so tt means i m a noob in this kinda of stuff, which means more time will be needed... i will tink about it again...

everything seems quite okae now, but dere is always this one problem that is lyke bugging me... pw feedback lor... haix. got a feeling that ross totally scam us, say until our project lyke as if it is the model project, then when we got back our feedback form for WR, it is lyke the shittest of all... everything was lyke so harsh and then pinpointing everything out... i really dun wanna get a band 2!! we all worked so hard, then plus everything else... expectations have risen through the year, and then suddenly u are lyke telling me that the project that i once worked so hard for may not be worth all the effort, if we really get the band 2... i really dunno what to say liao... just two letters... gg.

forget about it. hopefulli we will never ever get back the results then... then probably i can still continue to delude myself.

recently, i m lyke in a super korea mood... suddenly i will have the urge to listen to all my korean songs, watch korean mtvs and dramas... it's a really nice feeling... plus all the songs are lyke super nice, not to mention depressing... so it's good to get into such a mood at times... i love 'crazy love song' the most!! my fav new song!

haha... shall now continue with tutorial 2 then... cannot hai my dearest maths partner - GOD! :) when i have gotten god as my maths partner, i am lyke "wow, can go buy lottery today alr!", haha... too lucky to be true... :D jiayou jiayou!!

aja aja fighting!* ^-^

the sudden urge

2007-03-21T01:28:00.000-07:00

haix. why m i blogging? i m supposed to mug for chem and bio...! but today is lyke super sianz la... so nobody to talk to online, the only thing i can do is to type out some crap over here... realised tt it has been a super super long long long time since i last blogged... maybe, it's all the mugging, maybe, it's just recovery time... :) anw... felt very tired today... at first din really feel the impact in school... then still can tahan for sometime in school, attempting to mug... BUT... the moment when i reached home... suddenly got the urge to not do any work at all! it's quite bad... then dun wan to move as well... anything la... it's just a physically tiring day... :/ what the heck, things just come to you when u least expect it... then it drains you lyke nobody's business... causes you to lose focus and concentration... okaes... gg.

nvm... me whining as usual... feeling pmsing today... ::::(((( but i rly rly rly rly carn wait for all these to be over... it kinda started in a wrong way alr... so dun rly rly feel the urge to continue with everything... i must go out for the weekend... shall find people to do some stuff together... just as long as i can get out of the house...

anw... it's still back to the books again i guess... one day maybe i can cease to respire and suddenly photosynthesize... hopefulli tt day can come rly SOON...

poor memory...

2007-02-28T09:10:00.001-08:00

i actualli kinda of 4got that i actualli had a blog. omg. forget it then... shall type some stuff 2dae...

hopefulli cheryl dear is recovering soon and xinyi darlin feeling ok by now... falling sick is very scary de... but actualli i wanna fall sick! seriously. no kidding. i realli wanna fall sick with high fever, an excuse to just get away from everything... everything that i might be working on now... march camp, tkd, econs stuff, mugging etc. i realli wanna fall sick! xinyi din go to school on monday because she was sick, cheryl went for school on tues half day and then MC on wed because of some virus infection... both dears must take good care of yourself kies?? drink more water, rest more and of course constantly think of me... and then u all might feel better after all... :) luckily cheryl is well enough to come back to school (todae), so at least i m not so worried liao... anw... so when izzit my turn to fall sick out of the 3 angels? sianx. i noe i sound crazy now... whining about this kinda of stuff... other people sure say i crazy de... actualli i tink i m lor... :((

anw... i dunno what to type alr. and that is bad. recently, i dunno what's wrong with me... the feelings are lyke all mixed up tgt... sometimes i may be hyper, sometimes emo but act hyper... sometimes just emo and sianx... why?? tell me why this is happening to me? i dunno oso... zoning off randomly at times... and i realised that nowadays i have two extreme kinda of behaviours... either i get too hyped up and start talking crap continuously... being too noisy as a result... or i can just sleep and then become sianx diao by not saying anithing at all for about 2 hours... this is freaky... i guess. :/

nvm la... please please let me fall sick. *prays*

it all ended well... i guess...

2007-02-26T00:35:00.000-08:00

wanted to type out more stuff about jts 2dae... then suddenly feel quite lousy now... nvm... wait till another time then... but anw... food is nice, soup is nice, singing is the best!! missed kbox a lot... sorri for hogging the mike 2dae... paiseh... :// anw... some other day then blog ba... feels sianz 2nite... :((

i may be smiling everyday... but is that the true me? :/ sometimes it is just too tough wearing the mask everyday... i tried, but it's just too tough. i give up.

a brand new beginning!

2007-02-19T11:26:00.000-08:00

letting go is the only way... :)

felt that had been through a lot this period of time... though they seemed intangible yet... i can feel them coming towards me all at the same time... nearly pushing me till the verge of depression... haha... but not anymore!! pauline suddenly feels very hyped up today and is going to forget about any unhappy things starting from the new school day 2moro...!! from nw on... pauline will regain her cheerful self and try not to zone out so often... will help anybody around me... will talk more to cheryl darlin and xinyi dear (sorri for the recent zoning out... :)) and do lots more stuff...

but still pauline will not change too much of her lifestyle... in any case, it's a reverting back action ma... :D pauline will still continue to follow her minimum 3 hours sleep quota, will still eat less, will TRY to do more exercises, will still take bus home tgt with da sao and will still... hmm.... cannot rmb what else i do liao... nvm then... :D anw... must thank everyone that have helped me in one way or another during my most depressing and difficult moments before... thank you all so much!! bcoz of you all... i finally see the light shining from above...! :) haha... *imagines*

this few days cooped at home during the long holiday may not be a bad idea after all... it separates u from the world and allows you to meditate and also watch more tv! recently watching this taiwanese drama serial... and the male lead is so so so shuai...!! haha... shall post a picture of him that i googled just now... :) 吴尊!

guess i m going guy crazy soon... :)

and he's so shuai!! :B

after today...

2007-02-16T02:13:00.000-08:00

wanted to type stuff about 2dae... then tried a thousands times to come up with the correct paragraphing and everything... nothing sounds correct... nvm then... i give up... :/

2dae is an emo day... as quoted by my mei... everybodi seemed to be feeling the same way too... though different for the reasons.. but it's alrite... as long as it fits emo day...

anw... 2dae is my grandfather's funeral... saw for myself how my grandmother nearly collapsed before setting off to the cremetorium... how my aunties were crying so hard the moment when the coffin is pushed into the incinerator... how my grandfather became a box of bones which were so brittle and placed one of them into the urn... tt's my grandfather... in the urn... his ashes amongst the coffin's wood shreddings...

learning how to let go is the lesson for today... without the courage to let go... everyone will be miserable... outright terrible... jiayou to everyone around me... if u are feeling emotional... maybe can try to take a step backwards and look at the entire big picture... maybe u will find tt such things do not matter anymore... death is the ultimate... losing someone eternally is too hard to bear... if i survived through it... i know tt u are definitely able to do so too... if u need someone to hear ur troubles or ask questions... believe in me... though i may not be able to give the best answers... at least u noe i m always here for you...

oya... gotten 33rd for girls' mass run during cross country... can u believe it...?? :) i carn too... so everybody says tt i bought my medal which is CRAP...!! as i was running along the way... i actualli 4got tt i was running... was thinking more about the incidents that happened to me recently... all the misunderstandings in class, the tiredness from the three hours sleep quota, plus the recent blow of my grandfather's passing away... everything just crashed down on me from above... making me unable to breathe and break away from... i guess this is what made me run faster then... to run away from everything around me... the run really felt shorter this time round... before i knew it... i was already running down the slope... and then the next moment... near the finishing line with da sao and sylvia dere... ok... 33rd is really amazing... never knew that sometimes i can just garner this kinda of amazing strength and preserverance... i m impressed by myself man...

pauline! dun ever try to escape again kies? i admit i m the kinda of person that will keep things within myself and not really broadcast it... even if i m depressed, i will still put on a smile to the people ard me... this is me... i guess... but sometimes when i do really nid someone to rely on...

who will always be dere for me?

unpredictable life.

2007-02-11T04:37:00.000-08:00

what an unearthly timing... now is 3 plus am and i cannot get myself to fall asleep...

life is unpredictable... really... before i slept at about 1am... i was happie with all the valentine's day presents preparations and feeling satisfied with the things i bought today... planned to go visit my grandfather in the afternoon 2dae coz heard from my mun that he is not feeling very well... so planned to finish some tutorials first b4 going up to my grandfather's place to visit him... tt WAS the plan originally.

yet... i m now awake at 3 am in the morning with a piece of news that my mum just told me moments ago at 2 plus am... my grandfather had just passed away... before we managed to see him for the last time... as i m typing now... tears are coming down uncontrollably... why izzit this way??? why take him away before chinese new year, before letting him c us for the last time... why so abruptly?? why?

if i m crying uncontrollably now... i can understand how bad izzit for my mother to take... coz it's through my mother's childhood stories that i got to know my grandfather more... how my grandfather will always give my mother more pocket money for lunch... how he will sign her report card for her if my mother failed any subjects... how he used to be a very rich son of a rattan company and then became a cobbler at tiong bahru place... i tink my mother is just acting strong in front of me... actually deep down... i tink she will be the most upset person...

now... my parents are rushing down to my grandfather's place, leaving me here with my two other sisters who are unaware of the situation yet... how do i break the news to them...??? although we are not very close to our grandfather... i tink out of the three of us... he only remembers me faintly because i m the eldest child... sometimes he will even mix up my mum and my auntie... creating small little jokes for my uncle to poke fun at him...

my grandfather is very pro de... he can speak english, other than the usual dialects... sometimes when he talks to me... it's quite muffled... so hmm... i will always try to fake that i understand and will nod my head to show tt i m listening... sometimes worse come to worse... my mum becomes our translator and she will help me decipher what my grandfather wanted to say... i remembered once when my grandfather's health wasn't very good last year... i went to visit him after school... when i saw him... i was shocked... his cheeks were so sunken and he looked so weak then i could not recognise him... really... he is 90 plus years old alr... and this shows how age torments a person... resulting in a totally different person... and his memory is deteriorating... he could not remember if he ate breakfast before and kept on asking the maid to make breakfast for him... he wanted to take many showers a day because he cannot remember when he showered... he called my mum when he wanted to call my auntie... he lost track of time and could not differentiate day from night...

finally... my tears are finally drying after crying for about half an hour... if i m feeling that bad... i dunno how my mother will react... really wanna go take a look at the situation over there and see my grandfather for the last time... why is life lyke tt??

we just celebrated his birthday two weeks ago... a day just before stj... he was still okae then... and still able to at least clap with us when we sang his burfdae song in english, chinese and cantonese... my uncles and aunties joked about how he should not blow the candles on the burfdae cake because all his saliva will reach the cake and then... nobody gets to eat it... so in the end... the action was left to my 5 year old cousins plus my never grown up uncle... my grandfather knew what was going on at that time... he knew that the 4 families are coming tgt tt day to celebrate his lunar burfdae... then suddenly he started to lapse into unconsciousness ytd, unwilling to go to the hospital... my uncle and aunties plus my grandauntie went to see him because they could sense tt something is gonna happen soon... we are going to do so today alr... but in the end... the worst scenerio really did take place... he's gone.

why not let him live longer... just wait one more day for us to go visit him 2dae and let him c us for the last time... why?? seventeen, going to eighteen this year, this is the first time i m going through such a situation... i never ever wished to go through such situations and wished that such things never at once happened to the people around me...

it's simply too hard to bear.

just a day...

2007-02-08T00:48:00.000-08:00

today is definitely a better day... as compared to monday and tuesday... those were the worst days of my life... now... better already but will still zone out from time to time... zoning out is really fun i tink... it takes away your appetite and makes u feel tired... which is exactly what i need... oops... quite sadistic...

i m smiling more now... but m i really happy...???? hmm...

nvm... feeling random now... and dunno what to write... forget about it then...

super sian diao!

2007-02-06T00:10:00.000-08:00

sad... super sad.... we din get into the vocal group finals in the end... the more you wish for something... the more it doesn't come to you... although i keep on eluding myself that we will not get in... but deep down i wish so much that we can get into the top 5 for the groups... coz heard from ever that there is no semi - finals for group and then it will be lyke straight into the top 5... this is lyke do or die... okae... so in the end...

we failed.

and tt's saddening... i thot we sang rather well that time... and we had quite a lot of confidence... okae.. tt's means everything is just a smokescreen... i noe ever is even more sad about her vocal solo... can understand as well... both chances are as well gone... :/

sad.

2dae is oso the day when i finally realised the biggest misunderstanding of all and that fully explains the situation and behaviour that i m facing now... but how to clear things up directly...? it's tough to do so... yet if the matter drags on... it will do no good to both the person and me... how...??? *exasperated*

everything added together... what ever told me 2dae.. all the misunderstandings, tiredness and the disappointment gathered from the news... just totally overwhelmed me... i m lyke crying for no reason suddenly... stoopid me... maybe i m just too tired... :(

whatever. maybe the tears will dry up soon.

tuition fear!

2007-01-30T00:41:00.000-08:00

plain tiredness.

i m damn damn exhausted... somehow i tell myself that taking up this job as a tuition teacher will be a challenge for me... to test my limits and to see how long i m able to tahan with this, plus schoolwork, plus interact, plus... (and the list goes on and on)...

many times, things will crop up to destroy my prettily planned week and then the next moment i realised that i m lyke rushing from one place to another just to reach there in time so that i can get zham by the students there and strain my voice in an unsuccessful attempt to quieten them down... it's tiring... really...

on the way back home from bhs... i hate myself for leaving earli... coz i wanna stay and accompany them more... i hate myself for waiting so long for all the buses... and then standing on 190 while sleeping... serious... i never knew i would realli fall asleep in this manner, my knees are lyke constantly giving way... this kinda of lifestyle makes me feel exhausted...

after every lesson, which is lyke hell... i always tink i m going to collapse alr... without any appetites for dinner and plus sleep - deprived... this is usually accompanied with a few snoozes here and there... until i can finally settle down and start mugging something that someone may have started at a time of 7... and me...? okae... gg... i start at 12... :(

okae... nvm... enough rambling alr... let's c how long i can hold on in this manner... one day if i do collapse... (which i surprisingly wish for) haha... gg lor... i guess tt will be the signal for me to stop this kinda of lifestyle... soon...

please survive!!

stj!

2007-01-29T00:45:00.000-08:00

stj [seniors treat juniors] just passed!!

it's nice... i would say it is lyke way nicer than our stj last year when we sat at this long stretch of table and u carn talk to me... i carn talk to you type... at least for us... it's more lively and everything... okae... maybe not so much for our table... sat with mei, boss, charlene, jeremy and ma long... tried to drop food tt are supposed to be bbq into the soup... plus some chicken wings that jeremy added to make the soup look really herbal... okae... it was NOT too bad... i must say... :) sorri... i tried my best alr... can only be hyper after a little while, when everybody is warming up and everything.... :D me definitely not the naturally bubbly kind...

anw... 2dae is fun... and d the best thing was tt i can get to wear my raincoat long top!! i tink it's quite nice lor... but after all the suan-ing from the guys... i start to lose confidence liao... izzit tt ugly...??? so sad la... :( nvm then... oya... pictureeeess!! hopefulli can kope some pictures here and there from everybody's camera... like tt can see how was it like during stj just nw... :D

nvm la... anw... the bus ride with ever is totally amazing... we talked about things tt are so close to heart to all of us... and it was then i realised tt i never held the same kind of feelings i had in the past... all is gone is gone and i wouldn't wanna realli harp on it alr... quite glad that all these are lyke disappearing and i will no longer wish for things that are just not meant to be mine... feels blessed to get rid such emotions... thankful for it actually...

anw... should be mugging econs now... argghh... what m i doing???!!!! :\

best night!

2007-01-27T10:37:00.000-08:00

haha! i m lyke full of energy now!! *hypers*

knocked out at abt 8 plus on the sofa... and slept there until dunno when... and then crept into my room at about 10 i tink... :D slept all the way untill 4 plus in the morn... and started to reply smses to the people in my fon! haha, i bet these people will tink tt i m crazy lor... right mei? haha, replying at 4 plus... and then turned back and continued sleeping again! all the way until 9 plus... :D

i know 12 hours is not very long la... but for me, it was the best night of all alr... for this entire month... super shuang to KO and then wake up the other day feeling super refreshed... recently had been sleeping at either 2 or 3 earli in the morning... sianz.... i guess i had started to develop this rejection to sleep (as quoted from cheryl darlin), realised tt although it was only 3 hours of sleep... i wasn't too tired ytd, surprisingly... :) but 2wards the end of day... of course... energy (as little as maybe) depleted and poof... KO! sorri dears, cannot go shopping with all of you all... shopping must be super fun rite...? sorri dears, next time wun pang - seh le... will go out with u all next time de... :D

anw... stj is this sunday!! wow!! plus 2dae nid to go to my grandfather's house to celebrate his burfdae! gg liao... where got time to mug...? :(

haha... anw... our talentime group just got bigger and stronger... now we haf ever, me, xinyi and cheryl!! yays!! more people means more fun and higher chances of getting past the first round of auditions... :D but tt means need to rearrange the lyrics and the people all over again... must jiayou jiayou kies...? we can do it!! as quoted by slyvia... for the talentime, no more tom yam soup for yong tao foo anymore, no more hokkien mee with lots of lots of "samba" chilli!

go go go!! :B

i am a blur blur sotong!

2007-01-24T01:06:00.000-08:00

wanted to type more about today... but nvm la... since it's lyke so sianz diao alr... anw, the highlight of the day will be the amazing journey that i undertook on my way home! was on 171 after H3 lessons, and guess what? haha, i slept all the way, and then when i woke up (like eons later), i realised that i was at mandai!! gg! plus its lyke super dark oso... cannot even see much things... so was lyke squinting my eyes to see when i m now... whoa! thanks man, can really go and camp with all the animals and the zoo plus the night safari alr...

i m lyke so gek with myself la... where got people so spastic one, take bus, oversleep by A LOT, and then in the end, reach home only 1 more hour later when it is lyke raining la...

haiz.... i m rly rly super blur, carn believe i really did tt after 5 years of experiences of taking 171... too bad, such experiences do not help AT ALL!!

not bad la... at least i get to campover with the animals dere at the zoo! haha, will u have a chance to do tt during school days...? :D

haha... anw, me and ever we chose our talentime song alr... and we both like it a lot... so now... *drumroll* it's time to learn how to harmonise from our shi fu --- xlb!! yays!!

aja aja fighting!! :)

it's a long time

2007-01-20T20:33:00.000-08:00

i just kept on sleeping and sleeping 2dae... die alr la, i m a pig!!

haha, ytd was the worst worst day of my life... my life has never been that bad before... baked cookies the night before until 12AM... but it was fun! took lots of pictures here and there... glam and unglam... mingwei, must upload the photos kies? haha, the photos are super random and lame... but it is nice!! :) haha... anw, it was tiring yet fun... and by the end of it, everyone was so full after eating all the leftovers ot failed batches of cookies plus the yummy brownies that brandon's mum baked!!

then, the boring part comes, MUGGING!! started mugging on everything until about 3 plus... haha, luckily mingwei finished the bio spa alr... so the worst thing was that when everybody was all asleep alr... i m lyke still lying there and counting the number of glowing stars brandon has in his room... haix... maybe that's another 15 minutes gone... so in the end, that accounted for only 2 hours of sleep... before we had to lug trays and plastic bags of cookies and brownies to school... then guess what... haha, we were late for school!! missed god's HOLY speech for chem o and missed the reading of the faculty points... (but that's disappointing, apollo is the last!!)

nvm.. then we hid behind this truck or lorry or anithing, coz mingwei saes the tcher may come over to our side.... then in the meantime, we kept on talking about things lyke shitting or not shitting... haha... i guess we are just too bored... :D anw, then we decided to wait and wait for the announcements to be over... but it's lyke sooooo long... managed to mix in and then run off to the staffroom later to find mrs ho, so haha, ez-link is not confiscated!! yays!! haha, cheap thrill i noe, but quite fun la!!

anw... lessons are the boring part... i m practically lyke dozing off for most of the lessons... plus dio all the weird weird questions during lessons like "reciprocal cross" (what the???) and also some leader for some essay presentations... even nearly lost my H3 chem notes..., H3 teacher ap us... thanks man... tt's all i need for the day... tgt with all the filmfest hiccups here and there... ytd was the most AMAZING day of my life alr...

now, my stoopid father is lyke yakking away on how we didn't wash the plates and bowls, when they went shopping out at Tang's man, tt's lyke so unreasonable... whenever i do stuff, like cook or tidy up, he nv said anithin at all... and will do one thing, which is nagging about the amount of clothing we have... please lor, i m not lyke him, changing his freaking smelly clothing only once a week... *yucks* anw, now, me and my sisters are super pissed diao liao, go out for so long, dun wanna even buy something decent for us to eat or dinner of some kind... some kind of parents man....

anw... i finally decided to join talentime...!! okae, i noe it is weird... but yeap, joining with ever as vocal group... hopefully will not die at the first auditions alr... but we will try our best!! (: but first thing first, must choose on the song... then can practise ma... oya!! and my mortal finally finally replied me, after a long long time... yays!! finally i m back in action again...

oya... nearly 4got about the serviettes thingy during CT apollo sessions, wanted to blog it on that day itself, but i realised that i was too tired alr... anw, from this activity, other than the delicate piece of tissue that we are supposed to write on, i finally realised what's the true meaning of hatred and pettiness... not that i m victimising myself, but it is the truth... i had tried to get closer to the person, allowing for any forms of interactions, but was downright omitted from her life, regardless of the things that i had helped her in the past... not that i wanna rack up old records or something, but had she ever for once remembered that i actually helped her a lot in the past...? okae, even if i realli did anithing wrong (which i carn remember at all), but at least, i need to know what did i do in the first place...? from this exercise, u can really c the extent how someone can go, leaving no space for any negotiations..., i wrote on her serviette, at least acknowledging her presence, yet she totally did not even bothered with mine... In this case, forget about it, what is the use of being the proactive one, and act as if i m damn despo for ur forgiveness of some kind...? this tells me how i shld be lyke next time... 好人一定会有好报吗？i dun tink so lor...

wed was bad, ytd was the worst day ever... 2dae isn't ani good with all the chem mugging... what would tmr be lyke...??
hmm... not ani better i guess...

sleepy!!

2007-01-13T01:45:00.000-08:00

gots lots of things to say and post photos de... but since i m lyke super sleepy... eyelids half - closed... decided to wait till another day then... :)

a normal day.

2007-01-11T00:38:00.000-08:00

thinking really kill braincells... lots of it... tt's why nowadays i tell myself never to really think too much... or else i might as well just explode one day... though it is easy to say... but it is definitely not easy to do it... i noe what i m thinking of is something super silly and impossible, but my heart still continues to indulge in this kind of silliness... haix. i dunnoe what am i typing alr... nvm then. :_

anw... 2dae was just an other ordinary day. perhaps with the CCA exhibition made me talk so much tt i almost can rmb every nitty - gritty things about interact... at least what i said is lyke all real.... unlike what dey did to me during st john back in nanyang... totally cheat me de... and still said sj veri fun... ya la. it IS fun, but only gets fun when u have 3 years of torture and then finally the year of fun... :) but i must realli sj is NOT BAD la... at least i have nice juniors!! :D

anw... apollo lost in the war games... now tt's sianz... :( but no choice la... how to win when u are lyke zham by three other facs... bo bian man!

*randomly* i hate my earholes!! it is always injured and then when i wear my earrings... it is painful... this is bad.. i dun wan to be earhole-less person kies...? coz i still have so many earrings tt i have yet to try!! haix. poor little earholes! :C

*randomly again* haix. it is tiring, taxing and stoopid to wish for something and yet know perfectly well tt it is impossible. but anw... i guess my brain is really like fragmented now... no choice... cannot link all my thoughts together alr.

haix. i tink i m super random 2dae. maybe brain dead alr. i give up.
whatever.

a new day!

2007-01-09T00:22:00.000-08:00

2dae (forgot tt 12am has passed, nvm, just take it to be mon then!) is a realli tiring day... i m lyke typing this with my eyes half - closed... by nvm. it was memorable... :)

2dae is the dae i wrote my lousiest gp essay ever... i was absolutely not making any sense at all and then i am lyke droning on and on lyke nobody's business... it was bad... VERY bad... i dun even dare to take another look at the essay... okae... wait, maybe it is not even an essay in the first place, haha. anyway, i m used to it, i m JUST lyke that... :)

2dae is the day i finally learnt how to use a fax machine in my entire life... haha. me, mingwei and everlyn, we are lyke almost driven mad by the fax machine at the office, i bet King's must think that we love them too much and are lyke spamming them with our interact stuff... over and over again... no choice lor... blame the school ba... :D

hmm... 2dae is also the day i met our juniors for the first time, and the first time i m lyke talking crap so openly... i guess maybe i m a little high le ba... tt's why always kept on talking crap during the seniors meet juniors session... haha. it was nice... it is good to be in the class where u noe everyone around you... this feeling is very comfortable! looking at the juniors, i can remember how it was lyke for us at that time, we are all lyke opening our eyes wide wide while looking at the seniors laughing at ourselves... then keeping quiet and drifted around the room when it comes down to the eating... haha. tt was me in the past! now, i feel happie to be a senior and offer pizza to people... it's a just a nice feeling... as long as i m not tt quiet anymore, i m happie! :P oya, very sad, all my st john juniors are generally in ares fac... why? so sianz, and plus none of them in my junior class too... but nvm la. :) thankew cheryl for your wonderful cake!! couldn't get closer in time for a close up of the cake... sorri dear... so i just took this randomly... :)

2dae is also a day when i got my first pay from tuition!! yays!! although it is not a lot, but i feel very happie, at least there is motivation to continue... actually the children are all quite alrite, except for a bunch of guys making a lot of noise, all the other girls are lyke quite attentive to what i said... :) whoa! but my poor voice suffer man... it is lyke so tiring to keep on shouting and ask the troublemakers to keep quiet... so no choice la... but nvm, at least got my pay alr!! yays!! i got so xcited that i got no appetite for dinner, plus very lazy also la... nvm. zhi jie dao dinner, let's see how long i can tahan without food from 2dae till tmr... :D

let me see... anything else i did for 2dae...? hmm... cannot remember liao la... haha. me stm!

oya! forgot to put all these pictures up here...

Pretty rainbows that formed a beautiful curve above 2 flats... it was so pretty!! and besides, there was not only one, there were 2!! except that the other was more faint, so cannot realli see... :! but nvm, rainbows are realli pretty!! realli! when u look at them, then u will start to think about stuff and then you will be so mesmerised by it... :) cheryl dear also saw this rainbow!! and she is lyke at the other side of Singapore, so qiao!!

*long long time ago*, before school reopened... me, ksiong, wilson and ever went out for kbox and then sum unproductive mugging and walking around... :) then we dropped by swensen's coz i felt lyke eating ice-cream again... so any way... these are the pictures... we were just so obsessed with the dry ice and especially wilson hor, kept on playing with the dry ice... then the waitress was lyke looking at our entire bowl of diluted melted ice-cream, and then giving that kind of espression la... haha. it was maluating as well as funny... nvm. as long as the ice - cream is nice!! :D

guess whose fingers are whose...? we sacrifice a lot de lor... our fingers are lyke frozen and cold and nearly dropped off la... haha. :B

anw, gonna attempt to mug maths now... only ATTEMPT! i bet i will knock out soon... haha! :B

finally!

2007-01-06T00:33:00.000-08:00

FINALLY!!

after times of waiting.... i realised how important the computer is to me... when it crashed unexpectedly on a nice friday morning... haha... it is lyke so weird la... how it crashed so suddenly and then... the next moment i knew it... i was lugging that big box, not to mention heavy too, to the nearby computer place... heavy de lor...!! :S

okies... maybe never blog for too long... suddenly forgot what i wanted to say... haha... just lyke what ksiong saes: me really 老了, cannot deny! :) anw, without the comp, the holidays still went by and then poof, suddenly... we are lyke seniors in the school, not bad la... can act zai and seh a little... :) then another poof, i suddenly became sylvia... haha... bio lesson 2dae was really funny la! looking at how she was lyke looking at slyvia while calling my name is funny!! then since, she can recognise the wrong people... then lyke tt lor... :D haha! okies! i just changed my name already liao... so must start calling me seh kia liao kies...?

life without the computer can be a good thing as well as a bad thing... i dunno... at first thought of a lot of things to write... then suddenly my mind is lyke blank now... okies, i tink i really have some memory problems... haha...

oya, cheryl and xinyi dears are lyke timing me for my speed for finishing a nice cup of ribena! and they said tt i was a "big sucker!" haha, because i can drink VERY VERY fast and a lot!! if dere is a drinking compeition... whoa! i can win de lor!!! :)

i m lyke so super pissed now... cannot seem to download any songs that i wanna listen... what is this...????? *gek*

sunday is grading... i have a really bad feeling about it... carn even do one back thrust properly.. and my pattern ar... just LOUSY... no choice liao... have to really depend on luck... r we realli not having anything on sunday, on 71's burfdae...? tt's so sad.... plus... i dun tink i can make it for monday's seniors meet juniors too.... coz need to teach tuition tt dae, bo bian... :((

haha, just realised that all my thoughts are all in paragraphs... no choice... now all the thoughts coming to me super randomly and i m just typing them down in a super random manner...

one sentence: "I MISS MY COMPUTER SO MUCH!"

U are back!! *muacks*

i m here again!

2006-12-27T02:13:00.000-08:00

boo!
it's been raining lyke forever these few days... i loved it the most when it rains overnight... then it will be so cozy and then u wun feel lyke waking up and continue dreaming forever... haha tt's so nice rite... but cannot la... one day we will still have to go back to school and then the hectic kinda of lifestyle will begin once again... boo~~~ :/
suddenly, to realise something that was once very close to me... the truth felt a little weird... i dunno oso... i know i wouldn't mind the truth but why am i feeling this way...? sianz... can no longer really listen to my heart now... tt's quite bad rite...? o heart o heart.... why r u not letting me listen to you now...? do u despise me too? :S

oya... one day when i m talking to little ruthie on the phone... it was christmas that day... then i suddenly said something...
me: i realised that i never had a christmas tree at all in my house...
ruthie: i have one, 3 metres tall! :)
me: i tink i only have one christmas tree about 5 cm tall and a santa claus 5 cm tall...
ruthie: how can it b only 5 cm...?
me: haha... keychain ma... :D
me: then, i realised i never eaten turkey before...
ruthie: whoa! ur life very sad leh...
me: plus, i dun tink i even ate a log cake before...
ruthie: ur life is really the saddest liao...
me: ya lor! *fakes crying*

haha... little ruthie... u dun mind me writing out this rite...? oya... and dun forget that, i will always be behind u no matter what! haha, actually christmas shouldn't be a very special day to me... at least i noe, to my family... christmas is a very normal thing... the most just fry some fries and some onion rings... then tt's a christmas feast... okae la! :) at least got to eat something unusual and cook together...! :)

and plus... this christmas is really not very merry actually... parents quarreled lyke crazy for some small matters, and then my father quarelled with me too... haix. i dun tink i can ever survive a normal conversation with him at all, not more than ten lines i tink... no choice... it always ends up in a squabble. sianx. the war in my house only managed to calm down after about 3 to 4 days... and then poof! christmas is over...! :S not in time i guess...

nvm then! hope that everything will be over soon! :) really feel very lucky to have my two sisters with me... when times of trouble... we will always be standing on the same side and then protecting each other... it is really a good feeling to know that u are not alone! i guess i realli do <3 my sisters! :)

to house peace!! :B

just to say something

2006-12-20T21:59:00.000-08:00

你有过为在乎得人而努力的感觉吗？

This is what i learnt from the show that i am watching now.... actualli... everything sorta make sense... to make your life meaningful, the first thing you must do is to make someone's else life nicer... to help someone that means a lot to you is a sweet feeling.... realli... as long you treat every friend sincerely... everything will make sense, everything will just fall into place nicely... this is what i believe... :)

Yet, sometimes, what you believe in may just end up wrongly... no matter how hard you helped that person in the past, no matter how you try to make sure he/she doesn't get angry with you.... something will still crop out that will just destroy your friendship or relationship... this is life... and nothing else can change that...

haix. just thinking about how christmas is so near and how the year has just passed... full of happy moments and sad moments... hmm...

nvm! just had cheesecake with cheryl darlin yesterday! it was super nice! strawberry oreo and oreo cheesecake for just half price!! o man!! it was so shuang...! just to reward ourselves, just lyke what cheryl darlin says! :D dun worri... xinyi dear, we will definitely bring you there someday too... so that u can eat the delicious cheesecake dere...!

and christmas is here soon...! gonna send out my christmas cards soon! :) thinking of organising a class christmas party but dunno how to start... hmm... first find a place that has a christmas tree!! where...? i like the feeling of exchanging presents... but never had that before, coz my family not very on for christmas de... so... no choice lor... aniwaes... shall still think about it... :B

okies... shall go watch my airplane show now... :)

i am a freak

2006-12-18T10:45:00.000-08:00

i think i m realli a freak.... dun noe why too... but i feel this sudden urge to blog... so here i m... had this splitting headache since after tuition.. whoa! now i know something... it's realli tough to earn money... especially when u have to repeat all p3, p4, p5, p6 science... can u believe it!!! i m lyke repeating things lyke living and non-living things... repeating things like solids, liquids and gases... i thot i was going to die after tt 4 straight hours alr... i haf a feeling that i will just knock out ani minute from now... which is bad... when i wanna watch 王子变青蛙 later on... the show is realli very nice... at times you will just stop to wonder if such a kind of love relationship will just land on you.... yet when u thought u found ur true love alr... and then poof, he disappears, lost with the memories that u all had together... tt's so saddening... haix... :( suddenly feel lyke being some philosopher of some kind... but i have a feeling that such a relationship will never happen to me... it's just too tough...

oops, i dun tink i m making sense now... it's been raining the entire day... rain... i noe u love me a lot... but this amount of rain is just too much... my frens r complaining that i bring in too much rain for them alr... :)

ouch. my head still hurts.

a short break

2006-12-08T13:07:00.000-08:00

been aq-ing everyday starting from monday... haix... this is super tiring... i m lyke typing essays after another and another coming up later... there is no ending to all these stuff.... but no choice la.. gonna work hard!! realised that i slacked for the entire month of november... tt's bad rite...? okae! shall work hard!!!
actually i realised that mugging can be quite fun... just lyke the time i was mugging with cheryl darlin and xinyi dear in sch... haha... when we went almost crazy with what we were doing... we started crapping and laming each other!! carn rmb clearly though, nvm, cheryl darlin has the script for the day! :) for one thing, the school MUST MUST realli do something about the stoopid mosquitoes!! i noe we are veri sweet la, but mosquitoes are lyke following us, from the class bench to the canteen. forget it, i noe we are just too irresistable! *egos* :D

tkd on wed was super kool!! we jumped, kicked and stretched lyke crazy... though very tiring... but i enjoyed it a lot, it was way much better than the boring patterns and sparring!! and the best thing is that can jian fei!! happie!! :)

been watching doha asian nowadays, among all the breaks from the aqs, all the events seem to be so kool! swimming, table - tennis, beach volleyball and badminton! it's fun to be watching and finally understanding what is going on...! :D and then i realised something very weird of me... for all matches i will be definitely supporting the Singapore athletes... (of course rite?) but i realised when it is korea vs singapore... oooooo... guess what...? i m more for the korean athletes!! tt's very bad of me rite...??? :S i dunno oso... i m happie when both korea and singapore scores... but when they are made to oppose each other... then too bad lor... maybe i m not tt patriotic after all!! anyway!! go go go Singapore!! -.^

okaes!! enough of crapping, gonna go back to the aqs now... i still have a whole lot of homework to clear!!

*aja aja fighting!*

*xinyi dear... i will do your quiz real soon! haha... maybe will do it at 4am... then xlb darlin will be happie too!!* :B

feeling lazy...

2006-12-05T02:24:00.000-08:00

okae... here comes december... november just passed by so easily... haha... when one is slacking, life realli passes so fast... which is rather sad... so therefore... after a week of fun-filled activities:

cooking my favourite soup for dinner on monday... i tink i can realli graduate from obasan training school soon, haha... i m good at cooking now... :)

sitting rides at escape... laughing and shouting for fun at the same time on tuesday..., refer to previous posts for more details!

watching happy feet with my "cute" sisters,wednesday... haha... even coincidentally watched the same timeslot as cheryl darlin at cathay... :)

then... singing near 9 hours of kbox at suntec kbox on thursday... becomes so super malu dere la... next time never go dere again alr... so malu... we r lyke served by the same waitress for both klunch and khappy la... haha... but we realli sang a lot of songs tt time... it was then i realised that actualli singing can be that tiring... :)

then... cycling at east coast park with lil' ruthie and eli on friday... it was fun... i lyke the feeling of cycling... the feeling of the wind blowing against ur face... just makes u feel so free... as though free from the world and all troubles... :) then shan joined us later at eli's hse... and we started talking and talking... haha... we are girls ma...

had a sleepover till saturday.... watched lyke about 3 movies..., slacked, talked and ate lotsa of chips, we r just totally amazing... sleepover is really fun! :D talking about stuff tt were so close to our hearts, it is nice to just tell someone everything that u r feeling... a kind of release i guess... maybe i m always looking for that form of release after all...

so... after all these... the long - awaited highlight finalli comes!!

MUGGING!!!!!!!!! :(((((

*the fact that the part about mugging is so short is that i have absolutely nothing exciting to write about it, plus nothing done at this moment..., sianz... forget about it... mugging can never be interesting*

*never*

i m back again!

2006-11-30T02:27:00.000-08:00

haha!! back to blogging!! must update coz cheryl darlin sae my blog is growing mould soon!! ytd went escape with cheryl darlin and xinyi dear!! :)

it was beri fun! brought along my moudly little sister along! and at first it was raining lyke crazy... then it was just so disheartening at first... but haha, maybe because i did the rain dance or something, it started to ease up in the afternooon, n heyhey, the sun came out!! yays!! then we played all the rides!! go - kart and rainbow is the best!! at first, at go - kart, i thot i parked until very sae alr...then can act cool a little bit... haha, then who noes, someone just knocked me so hard from the back, then i almost flew out from my go - kart! guess who tt person is, haha, it's my sis!! gonna go box her alr man!! :)

another thing about escape, me and cheryl were trying out this haunted walk thingy... ok... we were hoping for something to go lyke "boo!" so that we can at least shout or scream or something lyke tt... but the prob is the group of girls who are lyke walking so near to us during the haunted walk. They were so near to us that dey just screamed at everything that was meant to be a surprise to us... ok... so that means no surprise, no screams, not scary. we were lyke practically enjoying the aircon while looking at all the disfigured models coming around us... hmm... doesn't sound quite fun rite...? :S but must admit la, if the girls weren't dere... i tink we two might have scream la...! :)

but nvm... the best thing was the photos that we took dere!! :D [accidentally the same concept as the superstar blog... but nvm la! :)]

count together with us now!! we are just obsessed with numbers!!

haha! who are you looking at?? must be some shuaiges who just walked past rite?? or maybe u r looking lovingly at me!! *egos* :D

Smile to the camera!! one, two, three!! act cute!! act cute oso nid some skills de kies? :P

tweezzz!! this is the new way to tweezzz okaes?! we teach you how to do it... the right way!! :)

here's two ways to do it... one the happy way...

and then the diaoz way... haha!! :)

oops! no talking allowed!! no talking means booorrrriiinnngggg!!! :B guess whose hands????

did u catch that blow kiss??? haha, it is meant for you!! so sorri... u just missed it!! :D

please call number 1900-112-XX71 to support us now!!call to vote for us!! vote for what ar...? hmm... dunno leh!! but if u dun call... haha... *rubs knuckles* u r going to be in big trouble!! :)

dun bully her! if u do, get ready to be shot by her AK47 pistol!! bang!! then bye bye to you!! :P

being a cat with eight whiskers is no fun at all... haha... at least more whiskers rite...? :D

no talking again!! what's up with everybody today!?! is talking a crime?? haha... another test for your maths, what is 3 times 3?? if u carn get it..., then gif urself a knock on the head!! no, make it 1000000000X knocks!! :P

last by not least, must act pretty ma and smile to the camera tgt kies...? dun forget the fairy - like hand sign!! smilezz!! :)

and tt ends off our adventure in escape!!!

1, 2, 3 cheese!! :B

and once again the day is saved by the charlie's angels!! or the oversized powerpuff girls!! :B

a long long time ago

2006-11-26T00:56:00.000-08:00

woo... it's a long long time... i realised that i haven been online a night for a long long time... realised that haven realli been out for a loooong looong time... what exactly am i doing at home all these while? haha, god knows man... i dun even noe it myself... time just flies by so quickly until i no longer know what day izzit alr... tt's quite bad rite? :( bt nvm, xinyi is back alr!! yays dear! welcome back!! :)
bt aniwaes, shall talk about something a little bit more exciting? hmm... not realli exciting, haha, it's rock climbing for me on wednesday! time seems to pass so super slowly on tt day la, going through all the boring theory stuff dere, tie knots, wear the icky harness that make u loook so super obscene... then the highlight of the day comes... haha, it's not the climb okaes? it's lunch!!!!! everyone is lyke super looking forward to lunch, coz it means that half of the day is finally over, and then another half of the day left to endure... and lunch is lyke wooo~~~... everyone who opened the lunch box was lyke "whoa!" "how to finish???" "i bet i cannot finish one" "why so much???" i tell u it was rly damn scary la, too bad i never took a photo of the super big lunch box! once u open it, u will see a spread of brown colour stuff, (take note the word is 'spread'), then on the left is pork, on the right is chicken, all braised! then when u pry down into the box, u start to see something green, vegetables sprouts out! Then further down, u see yellow... haha, reaching the egg! just as u were mayb wondering, 'how cum a lunch box can be so deep one meh?' haha, finalli, after a long long time of prying... the rice is finalli in sight!!! haha. we were all saying that it is not the meat as a side dish, the rice is actualli the side dish! coz the rice is lyke so much thinner in height then its dishes la... :)
the worst thing was tt, i could finish this gigantic packet of lunchbox!!! yes, i can lor... me and lisha, we were lyke alr 3-quarters through, then realised that most of the girls around us r still eating as though as their lunchboxes were untouched!!!! realli!?! we were lyke so shocked la!! i eat so much one meh??? nv knew that, okaes, then it is time for exercise!! recently, after getting moulding at home for so long alr, i devised a method to exercise! everyday run around my house and at least skip for 300 times! haha, effectiveness??? dunnoe yet la, my ultimate aim of the day is at least 2kg or more gone after the hols. not that tough to achieve rite?? :)
aniwaes... enough about the gigantic lunchbox! climbing is super tiring, everytime i climb a wall, i will always sweat lyke crazy, dunnoe why oso, it's indoors one lor, plus air-con leh! aiyo, i m just super lousy! Altogether, i climbed 4 different kinds of walls! only two successful ones, sad to say. plus, there is this wall tt i never managed to conquer, dunno why oso! so, determined little pauline tried the wall again and again, 3 times!! in the end...
still cannot.... haix... >.<
nvm la... haha, mayb next time can jio some people to go climbing tgt! it's indoors one lor... quite shuang! and plus can slim down, coz all the climbing pros all so skinny and small one mah... best models and examples to look forward too!! i must slim down this hols!!! jiayou pauline!! :)
after rock climbing, i went to meet the gang at jurong east after their ice - skating, then had dinner tgt... nothing exciting la... but it's just mitch and yuming who just kept on asking me tt question, making me just wanna laugh... ok... tell me how to survive in class next year with them around and plus dey noe wat is going on... ok fine, take it easy pauline! :D
thursday is just plain boring, shan't blog about it... :( oya, something super random, back from school on thurs, as i was walking home, i saw....
not one, not two...
but five cockroaches man!! omg! five!! can u believe it!?! i was lyke so scared la, immediately went the other way, avoiding these disgusting things.... cannot scream, coz if realli did so, the entire world will just loook at me la... tt's will be very bad... T.T
aniwaes... oya, i just realised that i got 10 bruises on my legs, can u believe it? i bet it came from rock climbing, coz all the knocking against the rocks, then plus the tight harness... anything la... any mode of exercise is fine with me, as long as can slim down!!!! go go go!! :)
finalli 2moro can go out liao... to kbox, but it is when mummy is cooking my favourite western meal... no choice la, going out is more important, or else i can get ready to grow mould alr lor!! dun worri cheryl darlin, if u wan, we can probably go klunch tgt with vanessa one day, maybe in mid-december? dun be sad kies? :)
looking forward to escape!! hopefulli, all elements will be in good shape for our escape outing, realli wanna go out and just play b4 the next big thing of the hols... which is...
MUGGING!
yes, after looking at ksiong's entry abt AQ, i suddenly realised that there is such a thing called homework!! bleahx!:( must start doing alr... *sobs* okaes, pauline must start her mugging sessions soon... either next week or latest latest the first day of december kies??
this entry shall be my witness!! :)
aja aja fighting!! (if u r puzzled, it means jiayou in Korean, if u dunno this phrase, u rly rly nid to watch some korean dramas this hols!! :B)
mugging sessions, anyone interested? :)

this is life!

2006-11-21T17:03:00.000-08:00

haix... haven been online for 2 days alr... wow... tt's super long la...! dunnoe what have i been doing all these while... just feeling lazy i guess. haix. this is life. i realised that i lyke to slack in school... dunnoe why too! people saes i m crazy, coz i m lyke going to school for no reason sometimes... but i dunno why too... i like to go to school, school gives me this very comfortable feeling, a kind of feeling that i noe i can fit in and not feel awkward at all... a kinda of feeling that tells me that i m welcomed... (though dere is nothing to eat in school though) :) i love to slack and talk crap in school... fun mah! haha. aniwaes... on monday... i m back in school again (after a LONG time), slacking with cheryl, talking about everything in the world at the canteen... then as usual, my favourite came again... haha... RAIN! yeap... it's the rain! i love the feeling of the raindrops coming down, then it's lyke so coooooling that u just dun feel lyke stepping out of it.

tis is the rain scene in school! not bad rite...? it was raining so hard on that day that we are just stuck in school! so i just randomly took this scene! :)

and then this one is rain from a bus... once again.. randomly took it before i alighted the bus.. not bad rite...? the rain looks especially nice through a window! :)

and as i m writing this post, it is gonna rain again...! *thunder and lightning flashes through* can u believe it? whole day rain and rain... although i noe tt rain realli loves me a lot... haix... but this is a little bit too much le!! *egos* sometimes life is tt amazing... all the more you wish to see someone, then tt someone just wouldn't appear in front of you, not even beside you... all the more you try, the more both of you will never meet, no matter how near both of you are. haix. so i just gave up trying. sometimes trying too hard is just too tiring. :X

i love this picture the most! dunno why oso... but dun you tink it is so zen? haha. nope, this is not taken by me, but i m striving to take a picture lyke that someday! yeap, and that someday will come... eventually (i tink)! :) haix, can u believe it? i m going rock - climbing 2moro!! omg!! from 8am to 5pm... this is so terrible, how can we ever climb a rock wall for so long? praying very hard that it is only a rock wall and not a real rock man, or else, i dun tink i can survive 2moro man! tell me what's the link between leadership and rock - climbing! no choice la, just chum the rock wall ba! at least better then thurs lor. haix. thursday is even worse! imagine, one entire day of talks in school from 8 to 5 again!haix, i tink i can get ready to become a rock in the lt alr... :S haix. sometimes life is just so tiring! gtg for this boring thingy... then cannot ice -skate with everyone else in the class!! i wanna go for ice-skating too!

can we have something on friday or maybe saturday? cheryl darlin, r we meeting for anithing? hmm... i wonder how's xinyi now? she should be enjoying her trip at shanghai with *ahem*! :) little ruthie and shan, can we go out sometime soon too? i dun mind cycling and doing all the natural stuff too! other things i feel lyke doing now... go kbox! esp k student! just go and dere and chum all the old and new duets! or can go escape theme park! onli 6 bucks lor! tt's lyke super cheap! can consider! :B
haix.
maybe slacking at hme is nt a bad option after all. maybe.

pictures!

2006-11-19T17:52:00.000-08:00

i tink i can finalli post the pictures up alr!! yays!! let me try it kies? :)

Project work is finalli over for a long long time!! phew!! luckily, we managed to slack and take some group photos during our meetings (thankew hannah!), then can rmb our group forever ma! :) these are our feets!! haha, try to identify them one by one ba!!

these are the figurines done for our pw video, dressed in traditional costumes!! funny rite...? dear chosen 71 beings, try to identify yourself in the picture kies? our ground rule is strictly no group members are to be included, but other than tt... haha... try to find yourself in dere kies? :)

That's us!! our wonderful project work group!! good job everybody!!:)

haha! these are only some of the meals that i cooked for the entire week during the hols! looks nice rite...? standard colour scheme includes something orange, something green and something yellow! i din do tt on purpose though, it is just pure coincidence!! :)

my first stir-fried maggie mee for lunch! not bad one lor... my sisters all saes it looks nice and tastes nice!! :)

haha, another standard colour scheme of one of our meals!! must emphasize that it is all cooked by yours truly kies...? no help from my mum! (okaes, maybe just a tinny winny bit of help?) :)

haha! this is the earthquake that me, mitch and ksiong had during the chalet when the others are at lan! swensen's earthquake rawks la!! but too bad leh, i told this picture only when we are halfway through, so *cough* it looks quite eeky actualli... haha!

And as you can see... mitch and ksiong are lyke koping almost of the ice-cream... when i m taking the picture, dey are still eating la!! dun finish all the ice-cream kies? the earthquake is lyke super amazing la.. 8 flavours to choose, i love all the sherbets, mitch lykes the chocolately ones, then ksiong insists on his yam! haha, in the end, we just ended up ordering all the flavours that we dun even noe... as long as the name sounds nice... then haha! it is in our earthquake! then, we just sit dere and tok for 1.5 hours, drank thousands cups of water! until ksiong had to go toilet for 5 over times la... haha! :)
skating during chalet!ever oso have this picture! haha! i m quite amazed that i can still blade after lyke 5-7 years la... but i still fell down 3 times, just three more times more than the pro boss onli ma! not a lot rite? haha, blading is fun!! :)

and most importantly!! the best night activity and the most taxing one is mahjong!! haha!! plus, the mahjong tiles are lyke real small la... so my hands nearly got tangled while arranging the tiles! every night, mahjong starts at about 12 and ends at about 5am or 6am...! fun! but tiring man!!aniwaes... i calculated that after two nights of competitive mahjong, note that i dun use the word *gambling*! i onli lost 10 cents!! haha! tt's good! :)

That's all folks!! :B

marketing!

2006-11-19T12:42:00.000-08:00

feels hyper today! okae... at least for now! just went out marketing with my mum and seen the most amazing things that i would never learn in class! haha! there are red carrots and white radishes rite? but do you noe that dere are green carrots in this world!! sorri la... i m quite mountain tortoise de, so it was lyke super surprising to me to see green carrots sold, so i just bought one! to play with it... hopefulli can cook something nice with it! :) plus, haha. at the market i saw miniature vegetables! they are realli unlike the usual big leafy ones, they are so small, smaller than your palm! tt's why dey are so kewt! haha, and i bought those too! :D marketing is super fun! you get to see how the fishmongers clean the squids and handle the fish, haha! sounds fun rite? aniwaes, yesterday was iris' burfdae!! yays! happie belated burfdae iris piggy! we went kbox and sang lyke for 5 hours straight! super tired, throat as though it's going to burst ani moment but super fun! i tink we sang lyke hundreds of songs la! plus all the super old songs that my mother sang, haha. i tink i noe more about fei-yu-qing's songs alr! okaes, next time go kbox with the rest shall go choose all these songs!! :B i tell you the mtvs are lyke damn funni la... tt's why it is kewt!! haha! oya, i m oso eyeing some korean dramas again! but no money la, nvm... shall save up money! okaes... enough for today! one thing sad though, i carn seem to upload the pictures that i have taken for the class chalet and my cooking... haix... nvm! shall try again and again! jiayou! :) plus, looking forward to my date with cheryl darlin soon! and if possible, class outing at escape theme park! it's only 6 bucks la, can you believe it?? if possible, can call cheryl, xinyi and ever and some guys along, i tink it will be quite fun lor!! oya, is the happy feet class outing still on? i dun mind going for it! as long as dere is something to do! oya, shall now go to the website and scan for some volunteer work to do! tada for now! :P

sianz...

2006-11-18T01:05:00.000-08:00

at first i was super hyper... wanted to post pictures of the food that i cooked for lunch and dinner for this entire week... coz have been cooking for the five days, then can finalli push all the cooking to my mum during the weekend... then... came online, realised that the interact outing is on wednesday 22nd, happening very soon, realised that not much time to do the accounts for the activity... realised that i cannot go for it, coz of some lame leadership workshop that is happening for the entire day... plus... it is not only on the 22nd, 23rd is the exact same thing... all over again!! why izzit lyke tt...? i wanted things for me to do in the hols... in the end, everything seem to be clashing tgt... then in the end, i m still left with nothing, no fun things to do... planning to go escape theme park one day coz it is lyke only 6 bucks for this hols... but who to find and when? sianz... everytime i tink of these kinda of stuff, then i dun feel lyke going alr... plus no more class stuff... tt's sad... super sad...!! this kinda of life is realli sad... but i shouldn't be tt way! must K.O.R.E.A!!
no matter how hard i choose to not tink about it... the most dreaded 22nd and 23rd will still come eventually... nvm then.... haiz... shall think on the bright side... it will be over soon oso!
after ever's and cheryl darlin's words... i feel better now! tt's good rite...?
haha... i still wanna go out! watch movie, go kbox, go excape...! or just walking around oso can la... just let me step out of this house!! >.<
anithin fun? just rope me in!

done!

2006-11-17T01:03:00.000-08:00

yays!! finally! after so long... my blog is ready! that sorta cheered up my day! i luv my blog skin! yays! i love u eunice!! u helped me solve the problem!!
*happie once more* :)

depressed.

2006-11-16T17:35:00.000-08:00

haix... everything doesn't seem to going smoothly... my blog skin refused to cooperate with me, gtting errors lyke no 2moro... plus i m lyke a noob in all these kinda of stuff. haix. must fix this problem quickly or else i will be ashamed of my blog. haix... i hate to stay at home!!!! i realli realli dun wanna stay at home, staying at home is terrible, practically remote controlled by someone.
i hate him! no. i despise him!
i hate him so much that i wished that he just dun come back from work everyday! i have never seen such a petty guy before in my life! i have always believed in this very line: "when u r good, you are lyke an angel, when u r bad, u are like a devil." till now, i still believe in it.
Everyday, you just treat me as if i m invisible, yes, maybe i am... if i am invisible, where does your dinner come from? how do the clothing get dry? who else did that...? if you are that capable, i dare you to stay at home and be a househusband, at least i noe you will do a better job than me, judging from your temper and your stubborn ways!
now, i cannot even go online at night! just because he forbids me to do so! and why? for some reasons here and there! haix, tell me what to do now.
one word: terrible.
save me.

i miss them!

2006-11-14T23:14:00.000-08:00

haix... i m writing again... this time... i just wanna say something... i will miss cheryl and xinyi so much during this period of time... both darlins r overseas... xinyi is flying off to shanghai soon, checking in at the airport at this very moment... cheryl flew to tokyo on saturday morning... i m left here in Singapore.
all alone.
stoning and still stoning in my house. i will miss you all dears! *sob* enjoy ur trips and have lotsa of fun! :)

stuck at home!

2006-11-14T17:24:00.000-08:00

haix, my blog is lyke meeting with so many problems!! super irritating. sianz... i hate html documents, u can read all the stuff until your eyes just pop out! X( but nvm first la... blog first then change template, then everything will still be okae! :) today had taekwondo... quite dread it, time seem to have lyke stopped, praying so hard that 2 hours can pass very quickly, so that i dunnid to talk too much... sometimes i think that twd is meant for me to test how long i can keep quiet, which is very tough... super tough. i hate silence... i need some music when i do homework... i dun lyke it when people suddenly stopped convos and then stared at each other and just stoned... haha... mitch timed me once... i can only keep quiet for 2 minutes plus... ok! shall try again next time... maybe i can reach 5 minutes! go go go pauline! aniwaes... ya... then so sad la.. i lost my handphone pouch 2dae! boo~~~ so sad... so sorri cheryl darlin and xinyi ma... i lost the birthdae present that u r bought for me! sorry! >.<
haix... i've got the post chalet blues... i wanna go back to the chalet, i wanna meet the class again, haix... tell me when do i ever had the chance to see the class again...? i dun realli wanna stay at home, if i stay at home too much for the entire holidays, i tink i can become an obasan alr... which is very bad! *crosses out* though a short time, i realised that i got to know more about the class or maybe just the small group of people dere... but it is okae! now i can tok more to ksiong, yuming, mitch, ever... which is good! :) blading is nice. mahjong is nice. swensen's is nice. even stoning and pure conversations can be fun and just enlightening... will not forget the convo that happened btw me, yuming and mitch from 3am to 7am, till now, i still find it quite amazing... but nvm, i shall keep my mouth shut! *zip* haix... but i still miss cheryl darlin and xinyi ma, plus xinyi is leaving 2nite, and cheryl is overseas alr... sianz, tell me what to do now? stuck in Singapore, with nth to do...nvm, maybe it's just time for me to think about everything in the year... maybe.

dere is lyke so many things that happened within this year. so many. new experiences cumin one after another. things that i would never experience if i hadn't come into this class. realli. at the beginning of the year, esp after first three months... i was feeling the worst, i kept on asking myself, why nort just switch classes, then maybe everything will be alrite. no more awkwardness, no more discomfort. no more of everything.

but now? i m just so glad that i din change combinations... life still goes on for you and me... and everything seems alrite now... no longer trapped in the little clique of mine, but reaching out to many other people out dere, trying my best to make friends with everyone i can... :) so far, eveything is okae!
aniwaes, enuff of my crappy mind! find me something to do please?!i wanna play sports! esp racquet sports like squash or tennis! although i dun mind watching korean dramas for the entire holidays *dun haf enuff to sustain me throughout though*, haix, it will be boring. correction, it's very boring.
haix. save me. find me something fun please?

first post!

2006-11-13T00:36:00.000-08:00

haha... finally gotten a blog! okae... that may seem quite stoopid but nvm! dunno can sustain for how long... but heck it la... :) aniwaes... must thank my monkey sister for creating this blog for me... coz i m lyke a noob in this kinda of things! haha... so if this blog looks very ugly... u noe who to blame?! haha... i tink i m mean... but nvm! ^-^
aniwaes! this is my blog! finally! :B